Can Anybody Tell Me How To Get To California?

If it were that easy.

Can Anybody Tell Me How to Get to California?

 

Did anybody get the line change?

I think I missed the mark.

The ratings say I’m good but

I just don’t feel the part.

 

Can anybody tell me…

 how to get to California?

 

All My problems would be solved

in thirty minutes or less.

 

I’m allowing for commercials.

 

My problems

wouldn’t seem so big

in front of a live audience

on set with a laugh track

and a scripted argument

that’s guaranteed to end

in 50 seconds or less.

 

If it’s a sitcom.

 

A drama just means

more crap

I have to deal with

in an hour.

Again I allow for commercials.

 

I’d live in a house

that I couldn’t possible afford

and all the rooms

would be cut in half.

 

I’d have a best friend

with worse problems than mine

but still gets the best lines

an eventually

his own catch phrase.

 

My girlfriend would be played

 by a model

 that doesn’t know she’s pretty

yet.

And every time we’d make love

it would be behind closed doors

and

we’d have assumed sex

because that’s what you

would be led to believe.

 

It would be to the tune of

“Bow-chicka-wow-wow!”

Because that’s funny.

I wouldn’t care if it were

pop goes the weasel.

As long as there are

‘no surprises’

written into the script

everything would be cool.

 

A fantasy land

Like a big toy store.

You don’t even need a good car.

If it’s a Ferrari.

I ‘d prefer an Aston martin

But really though…

 

Can you tell me….

how to get to California?

 

All my problems only look bigger 

because they’re in 3-d

on wide screen

in thx.

 

…and not live.

 

Any good parts I want to relive

I could just buy the DVD box set.

…or boot leg.

Anyhow...

I could die dramatically and

live on in reruns

or just be in a movie

 that really reflects my life.

 

Can anybody tell me…

How to get to California?

 

 

Author's Note

On those days when I want to be somewhere else.

Reviews

[T. L. O'Neal]

This is a funny piece and I enjoyed the TV analogy that you used. If life really was like TV, we all would be in a mess. T

[Kat Williams]

Another good write..I like how your mind works. Mixing logic with illogic..

[Theta S. T.]

lol...I have to omit I lived in California for most of my life and I don't remember there being so many dam commercials!!!!! hehe...I think if you were ina sitcom that you'd have a laugh track playing 24/7 and uuummmmmif you are really headed to Cali.....take I-10W go through San Antonio, TX and pick me up and I'll show you the rest of the way!!!! lol great write

~~Theta

[Celtic Cat]

I don't know. I just go to NYC and take classes. I'll probably never get on a real show. Oh wait, I'm on several real shows already. hehe Yep, let's see.... Law & Order, Law & Order SVU, Rescue Me... and some movies, too... Enchanted, Music and Lyrics by.. and, um that's about it. Yep, I'm the short chick in the background. lol
Ah well, if you figure it out, let me know. I think headshots help. My advice is take Route 66. Or just hire a camera crew and throw it up on YouTube, the TV guys will give you your own Reality TV series, like the stupid Britney Boy got. I'm only calling him stupid cuz I'm jealous.
A friend of mine started at open mic's.... perhaps just spill your guts on local stages. California is about to fall under the water anyway. Whatever path you choose, just break a leg, OK?? ; )

[Lydia Shutter]

I think we should ALL go to California and write the shows...after all, the writers don't seem to be able to come to an agreement with the networks. I would settle for a million or so a year, wouldn't you? LOL Problems in 3D...well, I believe we should reach back into the seventies for a 13" TV to watch them...would be so much simpler! As always, your humor tickles me. This was delightfully clever. Lydia

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

I liked this piece. I liked the idea of going to California and getting on TV. A good write.

[Annie]

Easy, just start watching Fox reigiously and read only gossip magazines. Stop listening to your friends or instincts. If you have a thought, go buy something quick.

[Carla]

Wow... ok, can I meet you there? I love this. Man, I wanna go too! You took me there in my mind... if only life were so great as on TV! Even the problems are forseen and easily dealt with... and even if they aren't, in 30 minutes to an hour, they're over!

I love this piece. It definately makes you think. The humor in it gives it a natural flow and the seriousness of escaping real life just calls to the heart. What a beautiful blend!

[Robert Luna]

This was a very enjoyable and eye opening read. We normally think famous people like actors and actresses have it made but normal their lives are even more fucked up than our own and they get to experience it live in front of the whole world to view. We don't think about that to often now do we. But they get what the wished for everyone to know who they are and that has a price that must be paid.


Great job!!!!!!

[Gandré]

Hello my friend. Thanks for stepping by and reading one of my new poems.
___________

this is a stirring poem, makes the reader think. deeper than one might think. I like your how the previous reviewer said - cool style.

[Taja B.]

I really like this poem. It's very good, and I loved the extended T.v metaphor relating to your life. Plus, this poem is quite funny, satrical, and it flows quite well.

Nice job. Thanks for sharing.:)

[H. A. M.]

Thank you....