Bloody, Bloody

Bloody, Bloody

A Poem by Jared Michael Smith

Bloody, Bloody,
Dark and ruddy,
Bleeding out my eyes,
You clawed them out
With poisoned nails
And left me there to cry.

Bloody, Bloody,
Dark and ruddy,
Bleeding out my hands,
My palms you scraped
With sharpened skin
And left me there to stand.

Bloody, Bloody,
Dark and ruddy,
Bleeding out my mouth,
My lips you bit
With steely fangs
And left me there to drown.

Bloody, Bloody,
Dark and ruddy,
Bleeding out my chest,
My heart you cut
With silver blades
Just like all the rest.

© 2013 Jared Michael Smith


Author's Note

Jared Michael Smith
I'm more worried about the order than anything. Anything for me?

My Review

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Reviews

I think the first three stanzas could be re-shuffled in its order if it will not leave a bad feeling on your part as the poet - I always believe that it's in a writer's instinct to feel when something's not right. But I love this poem, too! It is dark and bloody, and I love the ending you make.
This,
"Bleeding out my chest,
My heart you cut
With silver blades
Just like all the rest."
won me over. :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jared Michael Smith

10 Years Ago

Y'know, I actually had reshuffled them when I posted this... Guess I should swap them back, lol. :.. read more
EloisaWrites

10 Years Ago

Yep. I noticed how you are always a bit anxious on whether you have written a good end for your poem.. read more
Jared Michael Smith

10 Years Ago

Definitely! :D

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178 Views
1 Review
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on October 26, 2013
Last Updated on November 6, 2013
Tags: blood, love, lost, chest, eyes, mouth, palms

Author

Jared Michael Smith
Jared Michael Smith

About
I'm a pretty mild-mannered guy who enjoys composing poetry, playing video games, and drawing portraits. I don't think my writing's that good, but some of the people I have had read tell me otherwise... more..

Writing