A Testimony That Never Ends

I wrote this one day on a whim because I needed to write something. I never planned to write about my experience with my faith, but here we are!

I love God.
I love Jesus, but
God forbid I ever say that aloud-
Someone might hear me.

If I spewed words of hate for Him,
It would be self-expression,
Waking up to reality.
And love is mocked.

You can’t say “I’m going to church”
Without being chastised, you can’t
Say pro-lifers are the sweetest people
You’ve met
Without being a misogynist.

No.
You have to hate them.
You have to blacken your heart so much
You can’t tell if your heart
Is the night sky.

Stop having
 Controversial opinions
Start indulging in
Free love. 

Run through life with such
A force of destruction you
Don’t know the difference between
You and a hurricane.

And then you finally see it.
The stained glass,
The warm hymns,
The signs of peace.

And even after trying to
Feel alive,
You are still loved for
Being alive.

 

 

And you won’t know
What to make of it.
You may feel alone,
Undeserving of pure love,
Like just as if happiness
Doesn’t belong in your heart.

And maybe you’ll cry.
Maybe you’ll cry every time
You walk into a church
Because the feelings are too
Intense and you want it
To never leave, and
Never reappear
All at once.

And the blackness overrides the
Emerging sunlight.
Purity is lame.
Not what the ‘cool kids’ are doing.

Better drink until the
Confusion surpasses.
Better smoke until this
Love passes
Because we know how to live in perpetual heartache.
It’s easier.
 

But someday,
Someday someone will say:
Your soul is beautiful,
And you’ll look around only,
Only realizing they said it to you.

And you’ll recall:
The warmth,
The peace,
The serenity,
And in His arms,
You’re home.