Over Thinking, Unfazed

The only way to win at love is to give more of it away, I hear these words in my head and I stick them in my back pocket for another day, too much to think about right now, too much for today.

God I feel so alone, god.. thank you for your prayers, I do appreciate you taking the time to tell me your imaginary friend has heard my name. I feel a little more important, like I have a good word in somewhere with someone. And that's more then I've been getting lately from the masses. I can smile in the face of anger and hatred.

But it still stings deep, I'm strong like 183 army's until I'm down to one woman and she's weak tonight, but she will rebuild forces and those walls thicker and stronger for tomorrow's battle stand tall and laugh in your face.

Maybe she's crazy. Not afraid of the dark, sometimes she scares herself. But the gasoline is near and she has the power to strike. Unfazed. It can all be ablaze and she will just stand there and stare. No thoughts just finally a feeling of fulfilment, this has been chased her whole life and finally she feels whole, not like a hole.

And maybe being used and abused and the s**t storm was what she needed to finally shut out the inner voice that screamed to loud that she will never be good enough.

Listen like the dead, an intimate silence that has you hearing what others will never say. Rise up and know they are the lucky ones. Death feels like the end game and the game keeps getting harder. Small increments of matches won and some lost. Will we ever figure it out? Sometimes I let my phone die.. and I'm envious.

People have made claim they can read me that they know me, do you know small talk is torturous? You want to watch me squirm? Stick me in a room and make me talk about clothes or the weather. She will do the opposite of what she's told because being edited is disgusting. And falling victim isn't her style.

I look around and see all that is left is disaster. the birds outside my window, unaffected. Life goes on.

Author's Note

New at this :)

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

"Maybe she's crazy. Not afraid of the dark, sometimes she scares herself."
" She will do the opposite of what she's told because being edited is disgusting. And falling victim isn't her style. "

This reads like my biography. I love reading a about flawed but brave and strong women. We really need to start pumping up our sisters, our mothers, our daughters, our friends so that we all light a match and start a fire under some of these ignorant menfolk! Well penned.

[issa]

This is a really capturing piece, you wouldn't say you're new at this really! "No thoughts just finally a feeling of fulfilment, this has been chased her whole life and finally she feels whole, not like a hole." kinda reminds me of my own writing. I look forward reading more from you. Your words are wonderful!