Without you...

Lauren, aged 22, has fallen in love for the first time and has lost him in a car accident and has to face life with this pain in her heart and her responsibilities.

Everyday is the hardest of all days. Two days ago I passed by the café we always used to go. A handsome boy with suits was sitting on the table we were used to sit, he was waiting for his girlfriend and seemed like he was going to propose to her. They were going to have a romantic dinner under candles and talk about their future all the night. This moment was what I have always wanted to live with you. Your death was not just something tragic, it was something more than that, that even took my soul with it. When my dad passed away mom has always convinced me that dad was able to see us. I grew up with the thought that dad is seeing me, whenever I cried I just looked at his photo hanging on my bedroom wall and said:"no dad don't worry I'm fine". After you came to my life, everyday I was talking to daddy's picture on the wall and telling him how happy I'm and how much you love me. But this didn't take longer than 3 years and you passed away. Dad must have loved you so much that he took you to the other world. But why didn't he just take me instead? I miss him. Your mom called yesterday, saying she missed you, well, she calls every week. Saddness took over our lives. You were not perfect, but for me you were my perfect partner, you were your families perfect son. Forgetting you is just not easy, memories are everywhere.
Every morning the first thing comes to my mind when I wake up is, not having you around. I just sit and think "why am I still alive?!". I'm a moving dead body, and force myself to live again every morning and start the routine. Wish you were here...
Next week it is your birthday, your mom insists on going to the graveyard and making wishes for you there, I couldn't say no. My mom doesn't like the idea tho, she says we just get more pain by doing this. But actually it is your first birthday after your death, I don't know how to spend the day if not visit you!
These days I'm so busy with job interviews, I lost my last job last week, the company has lost millions of dollars that the owner closed it and went away. So I'm here with no job. In the last interview I met Mark, he was searching for a job too, we talked about college days and how you used to hate him because he used to like me then. He is now engaged and after finding a job he will marry her. I'm happy for him.
Sometimes I think like I wish we were married and had a kid, having your eyes, face and your habits, you know I didn't like some of your habits especially when you used to laugh hard whenever I was mad or being jealous over you, you used to say you liked it. But if only you were here now no matter how bad your habits would be, how angry or how silly you would be I would still enjoy it, since it was living with you. If only we had a kid, we would be somehow better since he would carry your blood and this would make it less painfull for me and your mom. Babe if you're seeing me then know that I'm looking forward to come to you and my dad. Believe me nothing and no one ever can fill your place, because you aren't replaceable. You were God's most precious gift in my life...

Author's Note

English is not my first language, so I hope you ignore my mistakes.

Reviews

[Ibrahim]

That was heartbreaking story...
Felt so real for me good work helen

[Helen Sh. Rozhbayani]

Thank you so much!