Trading Up

Hmmmm... had to get something in.

Sweat, lace, listen, glisten

I walked in and she told me she wanted me back

Ex, Tex, ready for sex

I said I was there for my Blue October album

And to introduce her to my new partner Jim

Stud, shimmer, teeth, glimmer

Jim walked in and she sighed

She got up and said she'd pour the vodka

Jim laughed and rolled his eyes

"You traded up."

Author's Note

I can hear it now. "I waited for this? You are so out of the group."

Reviews

[Devons]

The scene described in this poem brings the image and the girl to life, superimposing a personality and story that fits pretty well. The story makes the image a kind of deceptive freeze-frame in the context of the secret bedroom of relationships and feelings. Just the kind of thing such a girl might do to win back her man. Many girls on this earth, in fact. And this scene paints a more real life for the protagonist beyond the superficial pose. It makes me think of those situations where when you've had enough of someone it doesn't matter how sexy they try to look, you just can't see it any more. Good idea to bring a Jim along: the 'get out of jail free' card. Smart.
This is pretty funny and sardonic in its portrayal of humanity and reality levelling themselves out. It's kind of like one of those naughty cartoon postcards but instead of an image and a joke there are pithy words to describe the scene... more effectively, intelligently, and with less smut!

[LanelWilson]

There was a movie in the 70's starring John Travolta based in Beaumont, TX, immediately came to mind. The reference to Tex, I guess. The guys returning to a trailer to pick up stuff from a breakup. There she's waiting. Their romance was shimmer & lace, volatile but in love. Apparently, she's an eye catch, Jim approves. It's amazing of the picture you can paint in your mind, with a few lines of poetry. I even imagined their height, appearance, a whole scene.

[Crowley]

Thank you, it was for one of Devons old Picture challenges and I was late to the party as usual. I appreciate the read!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the ending left a lot of possibilities for interpretation...i wanted to see a couple of them in Part 2.

i felt like i was there....much in the vein of Robert Creeley...

j.

[Crowley]

Well dang that's a compliment!!! Thanks for coming by I really appreciate it!!!

[Fran Marie]

A creative take on the image which tells an interesting story..

Nice work..

[just rose.]

There's an immediacy here that you accomplish in quick, single syllable lists that give the same instant impact as the photo. I also love the irony.

[JayceeC]

Definitely not voting you off the island for this write. It's sexy and fun, and oh,so different, because yes, that look of the inevitable is in her eyes. She's the girl everybody wants, until they have her. I'm just glad I am not picking winners. All of the approaches are quite different.

[emmajoy]

Should I have laughed when i read that!? Too late, i did. Sharp, intriguing, imaginative and probably only you could have written it!

[Crowley]

It is funny...but even if it wasn't you could laugh anyway...not that you need my permission. Thanks Emma!!!!

[Doreen]

Yes, yes. You took this in an interesting direction.