Separated by a Comma

A Cheyenne/CSR Joint.....one of my first friends from this site she is quite the writer and it is super cool to write with her...my Tennessee Connection.

Separated by a Comma

 

She knew he wasn't cowboy hats and Wrangler a*s

He was from the desert hot, breathing deathly dry

Lassoing white collar dollars into a blue collar wallet

Herding sunshine and hot pavement into an October wind

The only thing that would make it cool

 

Arizona he was

 

He knew she wasn’t Dior perfume and hairspray curls

Her skin fell winter snow, chilled to a pale perfection

She wore two books a day on her nose to make ends meet

Collecting dew covered dandelions by the armfuls to breathe

The only thing that would grant a wish

 

Tennessee she was

 

She knew he was a hot mess half the time or better

Intuition ticking too fast to tell the time, but keeping her heart in hours

Reading the bold face type like a crystal bowling ball…..strike after strike

Hoping like hell he is in time to diffuse any confusion

For want of attention he climbed mountains mining diamonds and gold

 

Emotional he was

 

He knew she was ten shades of pathetic, an art

Heart beating steadfast to the sound of beauty, his words

Putting out feelers for any space in his emotional cover

Counting in hundreds the amount of problems of loving him

For want to love him, jumping cliffs and swimming oceans

 

Pathetic she was

 

Her pen greased with the blood of a young heart pumping old soul thoughts

Flowed smoothly and lucidly in loops and lines, a beautiful hand

Spelling her wants and desires in spreading pools, concentric circles

Ripples that never die but grow into tsunamis of emotion

Showing others what it is like to feel, address, express, deeply

 

A writer she was

 

His words outstood her beauty by a thousand times, black script perfection

Like it or not, you were going to feel, magnified to the Nth degree

He can write you cold, hot, beautiful or ugly, you are his toy as his muse

If you didn’t crave him at the start, you would by the perfectly written ending

Tongue craving his wit and naughtiness, heart keeping time with the sweet words

 

A genius he was

Author's Note

We wrote about ourselves the first four stanzas and then about each others writing the last two.....Thanks Girly Q.....You rock.

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

*smiles* i didn't know which to comment, so this'll go for both of you at once (yes, i am THAT f*****g lazy heh heh) - but this is absolutely beautiful, the both of you,, you move very fluidly back and forth between voices, and use such pristine images to do it.

tremendous piece, and you both should feel a sense of pride for such a stellar write

[Doreen]

Very well done. I love the way it rolls like a tumbleweed across the sand. It just sweeps you up and carries you along. A wonderful ride. :) Love it.

[Kerry O'Connor]

This is golden.

[Michael X]

phenomonal, this is just an amazing poem imo, thoughtscapes and dreams are
the feelings tha take over the reader, consistant and the core of the writing
is the realm of poetry, entined like a golden tapestry of linking words as images.
feelings, and all that encompasses the senses. excellent job and read.

[FlawedByDesign]

I'd like to think i know both your writing styles very well, but I have to admit that the transition between stanzas was seamless. It came across as though it was written by the same person, so congrats on this.

I think you do each other justice with the written word about yourselves. The word choice is crude but gentle, raw and real but beautiful.

The whole thing is excellent, but the one line that stands out for me (sry Corey this one is about Cheyenne - females are just easier to admire to Im sure you understand lol),
"Her pen greased with the blood of a young heart pumping old soul thoughts"

Awesome.

[Poetic Beauty]

I really enjoyed reading this one. I found how you described the woman and then the man or vise versa was great. It gave a wonderful uniqueness to the poem. This let me see the characters flaws and all.

[Wildfleour]

This is one of the best collaborative poems I've ever read.

[Emily B]

amazing what we can find separated by a comma . . . wonderful collaboration, I'm very impressed

[Jenny Nelson]

Love the way the piece is set up and it flows so well between the two of you. Such expression and emotion. Very well done!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

picture perfect amalgamation of two poets~
the metaphorical groundwork is sheer delight to traipse through~ wondrous to witness self view and view through another's perceptions~ the interlacing of flawless!~

[c.m.]

What a gem we have here! Lol....just kidding. I think we did well.....thanks Corey, was an honor to work with your kind of talent.