Rebus

 

Abraham aren't you at all concerned with the progress that has been made?”

“They are still playing into my hand. Why would it cause me concern, Joseph?”

“Nyxia is becoming a problem.” 

“The original game maker’s daughter? She is of no concern to me.” Abraham cracks his neck.

“But she is beginning to uncover her father’s books,” Joseph manages to get out.

“There is nothing her father left her that will aid her in any way. I am the game maker now; the rules have changed. If they begin to win, I will make it harder. They are too selfish as individuals to function as a unit. That’s why teams are key. My team is made up of players who have already received judgment, hence a nice vacation from purgatory to have some fun,“ Abraham whispers.

“Very well then, maybe my concern was misplaced,” Joseph cowers.

“It is. Leave me now, and fetch me Victoria. She’s been upstairs for hours,” Abraham gleams.

His ears perk up from the clicking of Victoria’s heels making their way to him. Victoria’s gown envelopes the doorway. The dressmaker’s creation is more embellished today. Crystal beads and ruby gems govern her bodice, accenting Victoria’s cream-colored complexion. Her high cheekbones glow in the firelight. Mahogany curls escape her, cascading down to her waist. She twirls a curl around her finger, staring at the ground.

“Joseph asked me to come down here,“ her tone was almost inaudible.

“Yes, I thought it would be wonderful to see my wife sometime today.”

Abraham makes his way to a nearby end table, popping the top off of the glass bottle. He produces a second wine glass, filling it halfway before walking over to Victoria. He extends the glass to her invitingly. She refuses, pushing the glass away from her face.

“What did you summon me for?”  Her midnight eyes pierce through him.

“Victoria, I grow tired of this attitude. I am doing my best not to lose my patience,” Abrahams scolds while finishing his glass.

She remains silent, watching Abraham take a seat in the recliner. He gives a strong glance towards the fire, the embers roar, escaping the fireplace for a few moments. His hand taps his right leg.

Victoria grinds her teeth.

“Come here now. Don't force my hand, love,” he warns.

Victoria sits on Abraham’s knee so far away she almost loses her balance. He lightly brushes the hair away from her face as his finger guides her chin closer to his. She turns her head, refusing his touch. Abraham’s fingers tighten on her face, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“Why do you defy me? I gave you what you asked for, did I not? Remember, I can take it back.” His words inject into Victoria like venom.

She maintains her silence; the clock ticks obnoxiously on the wall, reminding her about her old enemy: time. She guides her hand to his wrist, rubbing his skin in small circles. The wrinkles on his forehead dissipate. His face now flushed with color sends a signal to his fingers to unlace themselves from her. Victoria leans into his lips. Abraham wraps his hands around her waist, pulling her into him as his lips part. A creak from the door of the chamber interrupts their passion. The reverberation of Abraham’s voice causes her to jump up from his lap.

“This better be good, Alexis.”

“I need a moment to speak with you,” she requests.

“So speak,” he snarls.

“Alone.”

Victoria scurries past the angry woman, seizing the opportunity to get away from Abraham. The train of her dress covers Alexis’s boots for a few moments before fading down the hall. He closes the distance between them.

“You sent me for the boy, Why was Nyxia there!” her voice strains.

“Is he dead yet?”

Alexis’s mouth opens wide.

“No, I was in the middle of killing him, and the others got involved,” she says, rubbing her arm.

“So I have two useless members so far,” he accuses.

“I am not useless; I will not hurt my sister. That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“The deal is whatever I decide it to be, or would you rather go back to your rotting cell? I don’t care for this tone you have discovered as of lately. Please do not take our history as an indication of special treatment; you are a soldier to me now, and nothing else,” he says heartlessly.

 His words are a blur to her. Abraham has changed so much toward her that she has come to expect his cruelty, but for some reason, the word ‘nothing’ struck a chord. Her eyes well up. Everything was fine until Victoria showed up.

“You threw me away like yesterday’s garbage since SHE showed up,” her words break her tears free.

Abraham straightens the cuff on his sleeve. He leans his mouth close to her ear.

“That’s because you are yesterday’s garbage. Fetch me Jedrek; this is a man’s job.”

Alexis shoots her hand to her mouth. Tears drip over the creases of her fingers, creating a trail on her way out of the room.

 

Packing up the car is surreal. The past few days have been the most hectic of my life, well any of my lives. The tasks ahead of us are still so uncertain, but at least I have a clue.

Victoria

The additions to our team force us to take a bigger car. The SUV is freshly washed and the silver specks sparkle in the sun. I chuckle to myself with the mental image of Havyn changing from bachelor of the year to a soccer mom on a Saturday.

Havyn emerges from the house, fumbling with multiple suitcases.

Who knew you could curse that many times in 30 seconds?

“Nyxia, what the hell do you need all of this for?” Havyn hisses.

The bags crash into the trunk one by one. Jack pokes his head outside the backseat window, answering before she can.

“15 out of the 20 are her face. You need your face don’t you?” Jack's obnoxious laugh is drowned out by the window closing. Bruiser shakes his paw at Jack. He seems to be scolding him. Jack and his brother’s touch out of my view.

His face softens as he laughs at the toy. Nyxia walks by, punching him in the arm before hopping into the driver’s seat.

“Hey! Where am I going to sit?” he yells at Nyxia.

Jacks pops his head back into the window against Bruiser’s wishes.

“Saved you a seat muscle man!” he says.

Havyn looks in my direction. I hop into the passenger seat as fast as I can. He mumbles as he settles into the backseat with the toys. The drive is calm. I roll the window down on the highway. letting the fresh air into my lungs.

 

“I can't believe we are finally doing this. Dude, the more I think about it, the crazier it seems,” Havyn exclaims from the back seat. His excitement is somewhat contagious.

“Don’t hurt your brain,” Nyxia remarks.

The toys chuckle as Havyn mimics Nyxia in the mirror. His impression is uncanny. Jack stares at Havyn, watching his every movement. His curiosity peaks when Havyn leans forward and rummages through a bag at his feet. A yellow snack bag appears in his hands. Havyn bumps into Jack as he attempts to settle back into his seat. The collision causes the bag to explode popcorn into the air. The three heads open their mouths trying to catch the snacks as they fall. Adelita remains oblivious as her hair becomes riddled with popcorn.

“Dude, personal space!” he yells at the toy brushing popcorn off of his pants.”D****t, I just cleaned the mats yesterday.”

Bruiser adjusts his fedora, reaching for Adelita.

“Addy come here,” he picks the popcorn out of her hair.

“I like this one, he's funny,” Jack laughs, leaning his head onto Havyn’s lap.

Nyxia slams the brakes causing Jack to slide into the back of my seat.

“Jack enough! Do I need to come back there? Didn’t I tell you to wear a seatbelt?” Nyxia yells.

“You should get back here. I'm more than happy to switch seats with you. You will be more comfortable back here for sure,” Havyn chimes in.

“And look who misses you!”

Havyn picks up Adelita, parading her in the rearview mirror to Nyxia’s as if she is a dancer on Broadway. Her limbs remain stiff, but her eyes blink rapidly. Jack reaches for the remaining popcorn in her hair, trying to munch at any piece he can get. Havyn sways Adelita back and forth, trying to swat Jack. I wait for Nyxia to have another outburst but the car stops. Nyxia turns the engine off in front of a building.

“This is the place according to the map. So are we just going to walk in there?”

“No, we need to wait until class is out,” I shake my head.

 He may not cooperate.

“Listen, we can't afford to draw attention to ourselves. We don't know who’s watching,” I state.

“He’s right. We wait.” Nyxia agrees.

What if the other team has to recruit like us, what If they are seeking out the same people we are? What if they were looking for Evan too? I have to get to him first.

“Do we know what he looks like?” Nyxia asks.

 

“Nyx, here,” Bruiser slides a newspaper over to the front seat. Five minutes drag out as she examines the picture.

 “It's been forever out here. He isn’t coming out so let's just go inside,” Havyn complains from the back seat.

“You really are like a child. Zero patience.” Nyxia turns her head.

“No! I just don't wait for stuff to happen. I make it happen. I'll give him five more minutes, then I’m-”

“There!” I point.

A lanky teenage boy struggles to walk down the stairs. A tower of books stand tall to his forehead. The books teeter a bit more with each step, making the stack unstable. He stops to push his glasses back into their place and neaten the tower. Instead of continuing forward he begins making his way back into the building.

 Where is he going?

“I’m done waiting.” Havyn declares.

The backseat door swings open. He escapes the vehicle too quickly for me to stop him. I reach for the door handle as I watch him run towards the staircase. Nyxia grabs my arm tightly.

“Let go! We can’t let him go alone,” I yell at her.

“Look.” She leans closer to the windshield.

She points to the staircase. A large man follows Havyn and Evan inside of the school.

“We aren’t alone,” Nyxia twists her mouth.

 

 

Reviews

[Tiffany K Charles]

i'm waiting for more madam......

[The Iron Horseman]

I think JPDonelan's review covered all the grammatical points that I would have made, so I will not belabour them. That said, the chapter reads well and provokes interest in the follow on, so well done, Jade. I look forward to reading more.

[Mr.Writer]

Great job on your story!!

[Jenny]

I love how the language changes to fit the characters...very effective

thank you for sharing!
J

[JPDonelan]

Forewarning: having not poked around at the previous chapters, I do not know how things connect throughout. As such, any suggestions or remarks will be self-contained to this chapter and may be accompanied by the phrase "though it may be noted in another chapter".

First line should start with a quotation mark (probably got cut off during the transition from processor to webpage) and there should be a comma after "Abraham".

Feel a little transition from Joseph leaving and Victoria entering would help, as the sudden shift is a bit jarring.

Some unnecessary words and phrases. Example: "She refuses, pushing the glass away from her face." By removing "refuses" you would reduce the redundancy in the sentence. By just having the character engage in an obvious action would save you from needing to state it bluntly. That said, one is free to engage in such repetition from a stylistic standpoint, only over-use can be problematic for readability. Essentially, just keep an eye on it and make sure you are doing it purposefully.

The word "tighten" in the sentence "Abraham’s fingers tighten on her face, forcing her to look into his eyes." is a little out of place. Could probably replace "tighten on" with grip or grasp, since "tighten on" sounds like the fingers are set on her face and then tighten (or at least it can be read that way, prompting an additional read which would slow the pace).

Some clarity with the sentence "Jack and his brother’s touch out of my view.": Should it be "Jack and his brother" or "Jack and his brothers"?

Some confusion regarding the sentence "Jacks pops his head back into the window against Bruiser’s wishes.". First, I don't think the "s" in "Jacks" is needed, as it suggests multiple Jacks and switching to the possessive form wouldn't help the sentence. Second, "pops his head back into the window" - "into" should probably be "out". Helps keep consistency with the characters location.

Two final remarks: First, there is an abundance of adverbs. While not a bad thing, they do tend to see overuse (particularly the kind ending in "-ly"). Chief problem with adverbs like this stems from how they often replace stronger words, while also threatening to weaken the writing.

Second, dialogue tags. There are a number of atypical or more infrequent tags (i.e. hisses) throughout. Not necessarily a bad thing, but tags beyond the simple "say" run the risk of coming across as odd or disjointing. The aforementioned "hisses" is such a tag, though due to the length of the dialogue its attached to, its harm is kept low.

That said, the chapter looks to move with a decent pace. As I said at the start, I have not read the previous chapters, but looking at this one does make me curious about what pieces I am missing story-wise. As for what I've said above, it is yours to do with as you please.
Keep up the good work (and sorry for going on so long).

[HeyJadeXO]

JP Thank you for in depth review I will take your advice on the revise of this in the future !

[wordman]

i liked this chapter jade,uncovering the truth in a sorts