Rambling lost-love poem

Something I do not particularly like that I wrote some time ago, but i found it and decided to post it anyway.

I'm lost I'm confused and my heart it feels abused,

Torn and ripped and used no good its gone I lose.

Pulled this way and that,

Ball of cotton and a cat,

Fall apart - such a prat,

What is this I'm staring at?

Oh have some self-control its just her heart -perhaps her soul?

Just a beating piece of coal no warmth it is not whole.

Icy blade instead of tongue,

Razor sharp although you're young,

Strikes out peirces my lung,

Screaming leave this song unsung.

But I carry on instead even though I'm nearly dead,

All the things I left unsaid pooling red around my bed.

Hopes fears truths lies,

Tender words and quiet sighs,

One phrase that always dies,

On my lips this time could rise.

But no its is once more dragged down buried deep by your dark frown,

Drenched by vicious words that drown I laugh it away and act the clown.

Except my lungs are full of blood,

And my head is filled with mud,

And my heart is set to flood,

Can't take it - hit the floor.

Thud.

Reviews

[TheSweet]

Yeah, the flow in this is very strong and i can hear a decent narrative voice. There are some nice uses of metaphor. The style of writing is good and there is a decent amount of querk. You just don't seem to comfortable with the content with the whole 'lost love' genre. Still impressive though - apply it elsewhere. :)

[Daniel88Batson]

The rhythmic structure of this poem is first class!
Every line is so strong and intense that the emphasis into the darker side of this poem is constantly upheld. You really hit em with this. Well written.

[P.S.]

I actually enjoyed this poem. Glad you decided to share it.

[....]

Who! you are really good! This write had a amazing flow and rhyme scheme. So easy to follow along with. Love dark writes and this one pulled me in....xo