When the sighs I’ve felt are gone,

And the lives were in are out of run,

Moments of my life will start to crumble,

Torment and delusion paces to grumble.


Grisly, ethereal; the windows are shut,

The goad’s ephemeral; I gave all that I got.

Battlefield was what our love was like,

On the ground I saw a piece of a broken kite.


Never a thought made me change plans;

There are things that I want to do once.

Deeply scarred, wounded till’ the last piece,

Me heart’s marred by a poignant kiss.


 Telling the truth freed caged emotions,

Denying my love caused me to drop devotion.

The thread I’m holding left a raw mark,

The chemistry we once had was no more the spark.


We decided a decision; despite deceit,

I moved to a movement; I knew what’s with it.

Hope the rivers won’t rush that swift;

And the air on the raven’s wings shan’t make such lift.


Candidly drifting in an ocean all alone

I was more somber as you’ve got my own.

The hidden pair of love went to the abyss

That I was even more afraid of the bliss.


Metaphors are just figures on my mind,

Going side to side, cascading my behind.

The meadows aren’t working anymore

And the ardor were incomparable lore.




© 2009 IPMONER

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a lovely poem--thank you for including it. tovli

Posted 9 Years Ago

Congrats on your winning poem

Posted 9 Years Ago

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Nice imagery used in this dark poem
My favorite stanza is the second one:
"Grisly, ethereal; the windows are shut,
The goad's ephemeral; I gave all that I got.
Battlefield was what our love was like,
On the ground I saw a piece of a broken kite."
The windows are shut, giving no sight of light, and it's what makes the whole poem flow on darkness
You compare your love to that of a battle field, which i found a strong image of two lovers struggling to see the life in what's already broken
I also liked the idea broken kite, which portrays defeat from a love which once flowed and still had the sense of bliss
You've also been successful in rhyming your work
Perhaps there are a few slight things you need to edit, but overall, the poem is very well thought of and penned!
Well done!

Posted 9 Years Ago

Hey! It's a nice poem, very deep and sincere. I like it.

Posted 9 Years Ago

I sense a song in this poem. Do you plan to use it for lyrics? Nice images!

Posted 9 Years Ago

Very creative. You have great voice and make the writing come to life. I love this piece. i love the emotion that comes out of it. Great work.

Posted 9 Years Ago

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6 Reviews
Added on May 30, 2009



Las Pinas, National Capital Region, Philippines

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