True Love

A few words for my good lady wife

Let marriage be our sanctuary
peacefulness our bed,
contentment be the pillow
upon which we rest our head,
and the love we've shared these many years
be woven as a quilt,
under which, within each other's arms,
we'll share this life we've built.

Author's Note

For my wife

Reviews

[Ana Papaya]

Beautiful .

[Gee]

As is the lady it was written for. Thank you

[Ana Papaya]

You two give the rest of us hope that true and lasting love does exist.

[Gee]

I truly believe there is an ideal other half for all people, the finding them is the hard bit. Saying that, there are an awful lot of arseholes out there. Having a daughter I would hate to think of anyone mistreating her and have always treated my wife with the same respect I have for my old mum. Seeing men mouthing off, bullying women is the one thing that is sure to get my blood boiling, cowards. Oops, am babbling now, again thank you

[Ana Papaya]

Well, sadly, odds are your daughter will be bullied by men. Particularly if she is nice and the wrong man interprets that to mean something more than what it means. If it never happens then she is very lucky but odds are it will happen. Sorry...

[Gee]

Mmmm, best get me a shotgun then....

[Ana Papaya]

LOL. :-)
I think the better solution would be to educate her. So she is aware of certain behaviours in men and proceed with caution, or not. She will do fine. Sadly, there are many jerks but also there are many nice guys and she'll see that you are an example of that. I think that's why they say that girls who have had good relationships with their fathers will look for similar qualities in a husband. Lead by example. :) Now, please put the shot gun down.

[Gee]

Ok, it's back under lock and key.

[Ana Papaya]

phew, close one. :)

[William Liston]

This is a lovely poem with a smooth flow and rhyme scheme ... I truly enjoyed. What captures me about this piece is its beautiful simplicity. The imagery isn't vivid, but it's strong enough to understand and evoke emotion, which is a difficult balance to have, but nonetheless, you've seemingly done it with ease. I also enjoyed the repetition and almost identical syntax (or wording) you used some lines ... it made this poem almost like a song ... very musical indeed.

If I may critique, I think this poem could benefit from some changes in wording and punctuation. In the first line, for example, the word "our" before the word "marriage" may or may not be necessarry ... you may want to consider deleting it.

Also, I feel like there should be a new stanza after the line "upon which we rest our head." Making a new stanza there would, in my opinion, compliment the change in rhyme and flow of ideas. I would also put an ellipsis (...) after the fourth line, and I would lowercase the word "And" in the following stanza. This would cause both stanzas to flow into one another (that is, if you choose to divide this poem into two stanzas).

Lastly, I would word the seventh line as follows: "under which WITHIN each other's arms." Using "within" instead of "in" flows better in my opinion ... it creates a stressed, unstressed, stressed, unstressed, etc... pattern.

Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

[Gee]

Thank you for both your kind words and the critique which I will take on board and ponder over the coming days

[horizon]

Wow...it just awesone every time I read

[Gee]

Thank you Horizon

[The Girl on Fire]

That was so lovely and charming!

[Gee]

Thank you kindly

[The Girl on Fire]

Always welcome.
Well, she is very lucky indeed.

[Gray]

You forgot to add 'amen' at the end. Beautifully done.

[Gee]

Cheers, appreciate the review

[mattavelli]

That's beautiful, Gee!
Did she like it?

[Gee]

Cheers Matt,yep she did.Stuck it in a card for Valentine's.............where's the sick bucket

[mattavelli]

Sweet valentine, let her know you want more time in bed. :p

[JL Jacobs]

Awww, that melted my heart! Beautiful Gee!

[Gee]

Cheers,one of the few poems I have shown my wife....

[JL Jacobs]

She must feel awfully proud and special.

[alifeacoustic]

Wonderfully stated Gee. Sometimes we just have to stop wondering why they love us and accept it :)

[Gee]

Thank you....

[GreenShoes]

Now THAT was really lovely! :)))

[Gee]

Thank you Karen

[jeannemarie coulter]

exquisite, you have a very lucky wife...blessed be to both of thee

[Gee]

I think I'm the lucky one,thank you Jeannemarie