Twelve Shoes

Twelve Shoes

A Poem by Gee
"

The last journey of a loved one

"
Black filled the pews
not one head raised
each bowed as if in prayer,
twelve shoes
six steps in unison,
slow bore their reason there.

Down aged flags
that echoed loud
off stone and ancient glass,
these men of death
clad dark as night
heartbroken lines did pass.

As footsteps stilled
amazing Grace
through oaken beams soared high,
grief seared the cheeks
washed broken hearts
that questioned only "Why"

Then silence reigned
the air hung still
lost love they gently laid,
twelve shoes they bowed
then took their leave
having last respects thus paid.



















© 2017 Gee



Author's Note

Gee
Dipping a toe in the solemn, been a while. If any ideas to improve feel free, I'm always willing to learn. Thank you
2nd stanza to be changed perhaps
Flags are flagstones, slabs of stone

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Reviews

ah, amazing grace. the sweetest songs for me & my. thanks for the lovely poem.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Gee

1 Month Ago

Thank you,,,
Stunning stage setting for the cold, dark poetic imagery of the dirge-like walk of the "Twelve Shoes". I can hear their mournful footsteps on the flags. Great form, flow, funereal cadence. Sad, emotional, they lay their friend down. This is a haunting, beautiful good-bye.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Gee

2 Months Ago

Thank you Annette
absolutely amazing work! Well written, beautiful words and rhyming scheme. No criticisms here that was awesome!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Thank you..
Indeed solemn Gee but captures the essence of such a sad occasion so well. The opening line is a killer!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Thanks John, I quite enjoyed scribbling this one
This is very deep. The vein of sadness flows through each line here.
Very melancholy.
The poem demonstrates a traditional 'last rites' sort of ceremony. However, I don't see any hope written...was that on purpose?
Is there none to give? Is the last thing we can really do is pay our last respects, and then ask a simple why? before going on with the rest of our lives?
Don't get me wrong, you did a marvelous job with this poem, and the emotions are very real, and very true, I'm just wondering if the picture you've painted is a 'limited version of something bigger', or reality.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Gee

4 Months Ago

Not a religious bone in my body so death for me is final, either worm food or ashes. Two other poems.. read more
you paint the scene well...I like it just as you've written it.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Gee

4 Months Ago

Thank you..
"...grief seared the cheeks
washed broken hearts
that questioned only "Why" . Death, ever the mysterious stranger for the living, and ever naive on dying. So true!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Gee

5 Months Ago

Thank you for visiting
Your Author's note answered my only question. Very well painted picture of the cerimony of grief.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Gee

5 Months Ago

Cheers....
Very solemn indeed. And very eerie narrative of a funeral procession, at that. Well done!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Gee

5 Months Ago

Thank you...
Critique: (that echoed cold) coldly - The adjective "cold" is modifying "echoed" instead of a noun or pronoun.

Review: Interesting topic, it is not often I get to read something about pallbearers and I love reading something so creative and originally imaginative Standing Ovation! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Gee

5 Months Ago

Cheers Bear, change made...

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1448 Views
49 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 8, 2016
Last Updated on September 16, 2017
Tags: Love, death, funeral, mourning

Author

Gee
Gee

Milton keynes, Buckinghamshire, United Kingdom



About
No airs and graces, just a simple fella posting simple words. more..

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