Twelve Shoes

Twelve Shoes

A Poem by Gee
"

The last journey of a loved one

"
Black filled the pews
not one head raised
each bowed as if in prayer,
twelve shoes
six steps in unison,
slow bore their reason there.

Down aged flags
that echoed loud
off stone and ancient glass,
these men of death
clad dark as night
heartbroken lines did pass.

As footsteps stilled
amazing Grace
through oaken beams soared high,
grief seared the cheeks
washed broken hearts
that questioned only "Why"

Then silence reigned
the air hung still
lost love they gently laid,
twelve shoes they bowed
then took their leave
having last respects thus paid.



















© 2017 Gee



Author's Note

Gee
Dipping a toe in the solemn, been a while. If any ideas to improve feel free, I'm always willing to learn. Thank you
2nd stanza to be changed perhaps
Flags are flagstones, slabs of stone

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Reviews

Brilliant,Gee.I just wonder if you might change "oaken" as it is a little cliched? What do you think? Oak is not right for the metre.How about" old oak beams".I love it.You have produced a beautiful set of images ,all the metre is perfect.I only criticise because usually people like it and that's why we are here.I love all of your poems that I have read so far.You are skilled and full of feeling.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Intake it as a suggestion not criticism, and will consider your option. Thank you for your very kin.. read more
Gee

1 Year Ago

I take......
Maria12

1 Year Ago

Thank you.I am glad you are happy for suggestions.
This is a beautiful poem, solemn and respectful. I really like the imagery of the mourners "clad dark as night".

A suggestion for a slight change - maybe add "the sweet sound of" before Amazing Grace

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Hi Anthony, cheers. Will consider your offered suggestion. Thanks
... 'grief seared the cheeks ~ washed broken hearts ~ that questioned only "Why" '

Memories flew after reading this a second time. First off, i wanted to cry.

This is more than a touching and visual piece. Tis hard to analyse your emotion, the tension of the .. i suppose, ritual of such an event. There are poems and tales that i call 'beautiful sadness.' This is one of them, made memorable by your gentle but specific language.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you for the wonderful comments
Such sadness with well written imagery, expressed through beautiful rhyme. I think the 2nd stanza is perfect as is.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Cheers, thanks for taking the time to read and comment
This is elegant and emotional, both of which really give the reader a feeling of the situation, I remember such a feeling at my Dad's funeral, so this resonates, is more than just a poem, it has an energy, beautifully done Gee...

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you Poppy, I'm flattered
It's a very refreshing style. Not one I've read before. I really enjoyed how you put everything so keep up the good work. I hope to read more!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

It's simple rhyming mostly. Thanks
Somber, beautiful, and by my estimation, although certainly not the authority, not a word out of place. Sometimes less is more, and the image of the "twelve shoes" is very powerful.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Cheers, am very happy that you enjoyed.
I like the idea of this and the write. Well done. Valentine

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you kindly
The pall bearers march with the casket....you described the scene eloquently. Dark, but well written. LydI**

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you Lydia
It is nice...I can't explain in words what I feel it certainly different...

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

It's simple like it's author.Cheers

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1511 Views
49 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 8, 2016
Last Updated on September 16, 2017
Tags: Love, death, funeral, mourning

Author

Gee
Gee

Milton keynes, Buckinghamshire, United Kingdom



About
No airs and graces, just a simple fella posting simple words. more..

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