Shattered dreams on bloodied sheets

Shattered dreams on bloodied sheets

A Poem by Gee
"

Oh the perils of drinking

"
She succumbed to perfected charm
from a honey coated tongue,
each lie to her a beautiful truth
by the louche, pitch perfect sung.

He knew another notch was carved,
the fourth glass of wine his knife,
a small room booked in a small hotel
where she'd dream of being his wife.

She gave the thing she most held dear
early mornings light brought shame,
her virginity lost to a would be Prince
him now a frog without a name.

Her shattered dreams and fairy tales
on the sheets in blood loud said,
" the frog he bought your innocence
with cheap words and cheaper red "








© 2017 Gee



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Featured Review

I'm not sure if the blood on the sheets comes from giving up her virginity, or if there is something more sinister going on in this small motel room!?!?! Either way, it makes for a spooky sparking of the reader's imagination. Your writing is well-done with good rhyme & rhythm & vivid metaphors. This makes for an intense warning about giving away any of our tender parts to some near-stranger in the night! I like the way this can be interpreted in a number of ways.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Gee

5 Months Ago

Thank you Miss B



Reviews

the frog he bought your innocence
with cheap words and cheaper red "

Beware of frogs then :)

I like the way gave it the touch of fairy tale with a twisted end..:)

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Gee

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you..
Haha, this is great. So fitting with the times also, often come across people who will say anything to get into your underwear. Luckily, I met a gentleman, but I did wonder a few times if this kind of scenario would play out with him! All your poems are really great, I admire your style :)

Posted 2 Months Ago


Gee

2 Months Ago

Got to say I was a nightmare in my youth !!!
Thank you, you're very kind.
You´re a great writer! To tell a story through a poem is really hard but you´ve done it.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

I muddle through. Thank you
A gripping tale told with a relatively fluid musicality and strong imagery to keep readers thinking..... trying to get to the heart of the meaning. Well done!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Gee

4 Months Ago

Thank you Emi
New to the world of poetry, my critiques are full of cliches, but I know what I like...and I like rhymes. To be able to express a complete thought and rhyme it...that's a skill I don't have and admire greatly in those who can. That being said: You rhymed an entire short story. Favorite lines: "He knew another notch was carved, the fourth glass of wine his knife, a small room booked in a small hotel where she'd dream of being his wife." An old story told with new lines. Well done.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Gee

4 Months Ago

Thank you Carol. Very simple fare compared to some that I read on this site
Your well structured poem give credence to your warning, 'on the perils of drinking'!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Gee

4 Months Ago

Thank you Auntie
I love this!
Virginity destroyed over a bottle of red.


Posted 4 Months Ago


Gee

4 Months Ago

Cheers Maxwell
It feels unfinished some how, a break in the flow- Like it should say: For shame?
Ah please we've all been that foolish no? Why toss and turn over growing up, no matter how much we don't want to, we do.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Gee

5 Months Ago

I would need help to count all of my foolish.
Might revisit to finish off with "her " though.. read more
William Gardner

5 Months Ago

I guess, it comes down to this. is the story the moment, or is the story the moment after? Often, it.. read more
In my humble opinion this style is where your greatest strengths lie. I think you need an edge to your work rather than a romance. Although your songs are nothing to be sniffed at these punch with words rather than sooth with pastorale description and I personally find that far more complete a write.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Gee

5 Months Ago

Cheers Ken, I'm chuffed that you think I have any strength to my simple offerings.
I'm not sure if the blood on the sheets comes from giving up her virginity, or if there is something more sinister going on in this small motel room!?!?! Either way, it makes for a spooky sparking of the reader's imagination. Your writing is well-done with good rhyme & rhythm & vivid metaphors. This makes for an intense warning about giving away any of our tender parts to some near-stranger in the night! I like the way this can be interpreted in a number of ways.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Gee

5 Months Ago

Thank you Miss B

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Added on May 6, 2017
Last Updated on May 6, 2017
Tags: Virginity, marriage, wine, shame

Author

Gee
Gee

Milton Keynes, United Kingdom



About
Simple words. If you want " clever " look elsewhere, if not, feel free to browse. more..

Writing
Before.... Before....

A Poem by Gee



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