On A Balmy Summers Night

On A Balmy Summers Night

A Poem by Gee
"

Just simple words

"
Shooting stars through diamond studs
the pallid moon looked on,
a breeze roused sleeping summer leaves
but briefly, then was gone.

A fox bark echoed, trailed away
through spinny and beyond,
nothing stirred, the lillies slept
atop the night stilled pond.

'cross barleyed acres all at peace
through farmyard ever on,
silence played on balmy night
a symphony an' song.

'Til sunrise lit the eastern sky,
then man stirred, woke again,
serenaded soft to 'nother day
by bird calls sweet refrain.

How beautiful this life we live
what wonders to behold,
more beauty found in nature's gifts
than platinum and gold













© 2018 Gee



Author's Note

Gee
Quickly written before toodling off to work...hopefully ok !! Have added 4th stanza, does it fit ???

My Review

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Reviews

This is a beautiful piece of poetry with a Wordsworthian vibe (à la "Lines Written in Early Spring"....only at night). The imagery is powerful, and the flow is relatively mellifluous. ¡Fantastic! You ask whether the 4th stanza fits, now that merely depends on how one looks at it. For it's yes and no, but to me it's heavy on the "no". The "yes" factor is that Man is in their own way a part of nature, so to appear in the poem is good. But their presence is undermined by the fact that they're not described as doing anything but "stirring", which doesn't say much. Furthermore, with the title containing "night", to speak about "day" entirely in one stanza would imply a finale, which is kind of undermined and at the same time undermines what you have already as the final stanza. Were "day" to only be mentioned at the end of the stanza, it would work better (and find some other way to incorporate Man). Otherwise, I'd strike the stanza altogether, for the stanzas 1, 2, 3, and 5 paint a good enough picture that doesn't require more to be said.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Gee

11 Months Ago

Thank you for such an in depth review
emipoemi

11 Months Ago

you're very welcome.
And moreover, hardly simple.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Gee

11 Months Ago

Thanks Maxwell
Good stuff, Gee. Love it. Enjoyed.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Simple and gentle metaphor; a pleasant read. Thanks.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Gee

11 Months Ago

Cheers Matt
I think the 4th. stanza is perfect, and a good addition as it brings man into the scene along with the images of nature. Your words flow; all 'tis lovely!!

Posted 11 Months Ago


Gee

11 Months Ago

Thank you Sheila
I love the images you have created in this gorgeous poem....so vivid..so real..and the rhythm and rhyme is spot on. A pleasure to read! Julie

Posted 11 Months Ago


Gee

11 Months Ago

Thank you Ms J
Your submission is now read in the http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Nature%2C-Auroras%2C-Lights%2C-Trees%2C-Water%2C-Outdoors-Contest/54059/ please stay tuned for the winning poems. Thank you for your entry.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Further beautiful well crafted writing, ys, for me the fourth stanza does fit and it brings everything together so very well

Posted 12 Months Ago


Gee

12 Months Ago

Cheers George, appreciate your kind words
George Coombs

11 Months Ago

Your welcome
A whim sparks beauty. Sometimes the less we examine the end product still shines. You did a great job taking the reader on a most tranquil journey.

Posted 12 Months Ago


Gee

12 Months Ago

Thank you Duff
duff

12 Months Ago

My pleasure Gee
I would love to be able to write so eloquently before jotting off. It takes me so long, and even then I'm not always right.

I like every verse of this. You speak of a place I would love to stay. :)

Posted 12 Months Ago


Gee

12 Months Ago

The woods and open fields are just a 5 minute stroll from my home. The pooch and I walk them often, .. read more

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Added on May 9, 2017
Last Updated on May 18, 2018
Tags: Summer

Author

Gee
Gee

Milton keynes, United Kingdom



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Simple stuff scribbled badly....under no illusions as to my limitations more..

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