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WHAT AM I?: Nephilim WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
A teen boy gets killed, but trades his soul for another chance. He changes. A girl notices the new boy with silver eyes.
A Single Saxaphone.

A Single Saxaphone.

A Poem by Gee
"

Drinking to forget

"
Plays blue, a single saxophone,
plays heartache and despair,
to hang heavy in the gauloises fog
above the broken gathered there.
Who sit alone with half drained glass
at tables laid for two,
just memories in the chair across,
of a love or loves once knew.
Cold comfort sought, cold comfort found
in stupors arms, alone,
serenaded by suicidal thoughts
and a single saxophone........





















© 2017 Gee



Author's Note

Gee
Hope this reads ok, any help improving appreciated

My Review

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Reviews

Just a few grammatical errors here and there, but this is a great poem with a classic rhyming scheme. keep up the good work!

Posted 1 Month Ago


Gee

1 Month Ago

Cheers Jeremiah
It is sort but it speaks loudly. Great job Gee!

Posted 1 Month Ago


Gee

1 Month Ago

Cheers.....
Agreed that the 'Saxaphone' has that melancholy feel. A certain sadness comes to mind. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece. The sax - one of my fav. musical instrument!

Posted 1 Month Ago


Gee

1 Month Ago

Mine too. Thank you
Oh my. Oh my. Such a well painted vignette, Gee. Hats off. Just as a side comment, I think all these folk on WC who come up with banal rhymes should read this. I think you're missing an apostrophe in stupors, though I could argue the case for it coming before (most likely) or perhaps after (collective stupors).

Sublime!

Nigel

Posted 2 Months Ago


Gee

2 Months Ago

Cheers Nigel, glad you enjoyed
This is a sad piece. Lonely chair filled with only memories.

Think we have all had a similar experience at one point.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

I think you may well be right.
Thank you Beauty
Poetic Beauty

3 Months Ago

You are welcome.
Exquisite scene setting - the cafe scene in Paris and the lost souls within hanging on the saxophone's every note. Yes, this is class.

I think the quatrain that starts with 'Who..." might be better served starting with 'They'. The preceeding full stop kinda dictates that I feel. Otherwise the quatrain in question should have a question mark because it started with 'Who...'.

You and me Gee, I think are experimenting with layout and pauses for effect. It's not easy to achieve. Some make it look easy (it flummoxes me everytime).

Hope this helps. ;)

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Change made, cheers mate.
Can almost smell the scene you paint Gee. Gauloise paints it French, but this could be any bar in any city, with the solo sax accentuating the silence of being lost in yesterday... I know just how they feel :)
Superbly penned.


Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Thank you Nemo
oh wow, the sax... nothing makes you cry like some sad sax. gee, i'd be buying a vowel and swapping out if i were you. stellar write my friend.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Thanks Ana. Hope you are well
Ana Papaya

3 Months Ago

i am, and i hope you are too
Gee

3 Months Ago

All is swell in the sunny UK, thank you.
Music and writing, combining arts is such a special gift and I loved the soft rhythm. Keep writing!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Thank you..
the pairing of the saxophone 'plays blue' and 'cold comfort' ... such compatible imagery
nothing else needs be said
thanks

Posted 3 Months Ago


Gee

3 Months Ago

Thank you..

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Added on June 11, 2017
Last Updated on June 11, 2017
Tags: Loneliness.....

Author

Gee
Gee

Milton Keynes, United Kingdom



About
Simple words. If you want " clever " look elsewhere, if not, feel free to browse. more..

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A Poem by Gee



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