I am....
A Poem by Gee
A constant
I am night and day,
the sun and moon,
the ebbing, flowing tides.
I am the changing seasons,
reliable, predictable, dependable.
I am a smile for a sad face,
a dry shoulder for tears,
strong arms and a soft, kind heart.
I am proud, devoted, loyal,
loving..........irreplaceable.
I am eternally grateful,
grateful that I am her father.
© 2018 Gee
Author's Note
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Whatdya think ???
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Reviews
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..............wOw!........I felt the power of this one big time!! Two notes:
1. "the tides" - "moon" and "sun" are possessive (they're hers), and "the tides" seem to follow that, so I would extend this line a bit to specify the tides that do something to her. Or, just change "her" to "the" and make the grand reveal at the end when you say "HER father".
2. "a love irreplaceable" - this line is powerful, but similar to the above note, this is a third item that should in some way follow how the other items flow. Here you have adjectives (proud, devoted, irreplaceable) which are separated by "a love" before the third. Those two words, though it creates a good musicality for the whole of the poem, hitting each syllable hard on their beats adds to the power. So "I am proud (!), devoted (!), irreplaceable (!)......no "a love" for that is already implied. Well done overall!
(those exclamation marks are not stressing to add them, they're just me demonstrating that having just the one word packs a good punch and adds power)
Posted 6 Years Ago
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6 Years Ago
I am a purveyor of simple words but lack your skills. Have made a few changes, better ??
As a.. read moreI am a purveyor of simple words but lack your skills. Have made a few changes, better ??
As always thank you. Your help is appreciated muchly.
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6 Years Ago
you didn't have to capitalize "her", that was just me demonstrating the reveal. But, yeah, much bett.. read moreyou didn't have to capitalize "her", that was just me demonstrating the reveal. But, yeah, much better. :)
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6 Years Ago
Cheers. I'm as thick as a brick but enjoy playing at poetry.
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6 Years Ago
No your not Gee! you are very talented! exclamation mark just to give this statement punch!! :)
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6 Years Ago
You'll have me blushing. I judge myself on qualifications gained at school, nearer zero than 3.... .. read moreYou'll have me blushing. I judge myself on qualifications gained at school, nearer zero than 3.... Thank you
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6 Years Ago
Same - I never applied myself at all - oops! :)
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6 Years Ago
......I was always the silent one in school......
But I second the notion to never cu.. read more......I was always the silent one in school......
But I second the notion to never cut yourself short!
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Stats
2464 Views
41 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 29, 2017
Last Updated on December 1, 2018
Tags: Father, daughter, love.
Author
GeeMilton keynes, United Kingdom
About
Devoted family man and lover of life.
Simply written, easily understood "stuff" for those without code breaking skills. You will NEVER need Google to understand me:)
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