Black Fire

Burns and scarred flesh

Broken notes of forgotten songs

Listening and watching

Breathing and still

Running and walking

Stillness and death

The way to a place of peace is through a place of discreet violence there is no haven from hate only the comfort of love

Reviews

[j.a. mills]

I appreciate the storytelling going on in these lines. It takes a bit of close reading to find it, but it's in there. As for that last line (that I think is supposed to be two?) I don't think it is doing as much work, or at least the SAME work as the rest of the poem. I think all it is really there for is to sum up what the poem is saying. It is addressing the theme and subject of the piece directly, which you should leave up to the reader. Frankly, I would scratch the last line.

It may be interesting, considering the story you are telling is cyclical in nature, for you to try writing the poem as a Palindrome, so that it is sort of mirrored over the sixth line, in reverse.

Thanks for posting. Keep writing for as long as you have hands!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed in innocence there is still belief. Often violent love gives the impression of true meaning but it is not,only mutual desire and the intimacy of unbridled passion will do.

[Lyn Anderson]

I think this piece is overall effective and dramatic. Though I might consider constructing the last line differently.

[Emilia Cole]

Thanks my phrases do need a bot of work

[Lyn Anderson]

Consider this -- and modify how you would see fit.
Is it only through discreet violence
That I may find my way to peace?
Or will I find there is no haven from hate,
Even in the comfort of love?

[lua]

there is such a juxtaposition of all the themes you've included and this creates a really intriguing, dramatic piece

[Emilia Cole]

Thank you. lol only 14 and for some reason people like my crap poems but still thanks

[lua]

don't underestimate yourself :)

[Emilia Cole]

Thanks so much for your review and understanding

[Yui Tarsis]

Damn.
This is good.
Kinda speechless, great job!

[Emilia Cole]

Thanks alot !

[Vaporvision]

A very dramatic piece. I guess I just don't quite understand the analogy. The line I do really love though, is the last one. There should be a space in between the two lasts lines, but nonetheless, the only haven from hate is indeed the comfort of love. That line captures something. Really does something for me.

[Emilia Cole]

Thank you so much lol im only 14 yet soo dramatic

[Vaporvision]

Aha, I'm 15 myself :)

[Emilia Cole]

lol for real

[Vaporvision]

Yes. I'm quite advanced in the art that is English :). Unfortunately, I can't say the same about math...