Sophisticated

The misconception of sex steals away its real beauty and sacredness...

Request full access to a chamber of temptations

To find erotica unveiling fixations

Reclining on bed, anticipating your arrival

Let nudity be the key to your survival

Approach me… caress me… fulfill my delusions

Brush your lips against my unexposed illusions

Graze my torso tenderly with your finger

Slither your tongue into orifices and linger

Kneed until satisfaction materializes

Imbibe the impregnating juice as it devises

Intensify the pressure, collecting blood

Supplement with strain to cause a flood

The prelude concluded. Time to fornicate.

Why apprehensive? It is how mammals mate.

Looking for a way to unleash suppressed lust

As salted tears, taste the self-disgust

My aim was elegant, passive and on my knees

Without a paramour, process strips into sleaze

Author's Note

Full Reviews please... What's good and what's bad? The more detailed the analysis, the better the review :D

Reviews

[LogoDaedalus]

What's good: You have creative and unconventional rhymes, using polysyllabic words, and the iambic meter, while it stutters a little in a few lines, creates a steady, driving rhythm that carries the reader's ear all the way through the poem. The ambiguity of the imagery and descriptions leaves the gender of both partners open to the reader's interpretation, and you do very well in contrasting the romanticized idea of sex (connection, fulfillment) with the crude physicality of its execution.
These two lines in particular capture the underlying needs that people often bring to sex:
"Approach me...caress me...fulfill my delusions
Brush your lips against my unexposed illusions"

What's bad:
This may be a matter of personal taste, but some of the more clinical terms (e.g. orifice, impregnating) detract from the overall eroticism of the piece.

One line in the poem doesn't quite flow with the others:
"Supplement with strain to cause a flood"
It's possible to figure out its meaning, but the wording feels forced in for the sake of the rhyme, and it's not as polished or subtle as the other lines.