Untamed at Birth.

Untamed at Birth.

A Poem by Relic
"

Rhyme and Meter

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Previous Version
This is a previous version of Untamed at Birth..



Laura girl, baby-girl, you're only two months old.
This crib you're in won't last too long;
You're acting too darn bold!

Laura girl, child-girl, what are you up to now?
Your tempestuous mood is wild enough
To hurt you soon somehow.

Laura girl, teenage-girl, tell me where you've been? 
Flaunting your chest to older boys 
Will lead to a life of sin. 

Laura girl, troubled-girl, no wonder you're in jail,
That deadly dance with illegal drugs 
Left you ruined and frail.

Laura girl, tragic-girl, the cops were at our door.
That car crash robbed your precious life
A beer was on the floor.

Laura girl, silent-girl, you look like you're asleep. 
Your maple casket shines so nice;
Your white dress looks so sweet.

Laura girl, angel girl, we're sending you our love.
Our broken hearts can only pray
You're somewhere up above.

© 2013 Relic





Reviews

this is also very very sad yet love how u wrote it her stages of life till her death
whew u are so talented

Posted 1 Week Ago


Relic

1 Week Ago

ha sometimes I wonder. lol Thank you marilyn for being so kind. :)
A poingnant and eloquent poem, skillfully crafted and,I felt, particularly thought provoking, great work

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

Thanks very much George.
George Coombs

2 Weeks Ago

Your welcome
I have no words....my voice is in my awe!! Well freaking done!!

(you forgot to insert "like" in "you look [] you're asleep")

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

AHHHH!! I knew I forgot something. lol Thanks so much for your observations. Not a lot of people h.. read more
emipoemi

2 Weeks Ago

a lot of people here are too shy to be bold.
Tragically sad 😢 piece of writing which for me reflects how in life ones guardians cannot shelter our live ones from the dangers society presents.
Deeply emotional but poignant and eloquent poem.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you Mairie
Smoking Man

2 Weeks Ago

You're welcome 😊,my pleasure.
First, I love the picture that you chose to go with the poem. It's midway between the innocence of the beginning of the poem and the tragedy at the end.

The poem itself innocently takes the reader by the hand and unexpectedly leads them on a journey most unimagined. The love for Laura is portrayed throughout, and all one can feel for the writer is heartache.

There is such beauty in pain, but the thorns are really sharp.

Nicely penned.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

I appreciate your thoughts Linda, thank you.
Wow...this sounds all too familiar..I am saddened by ur loss..I too was held in bondage by chemical obsession..I am very grateful to be here..I shouldn't be but God had other plans for me..

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


S.Jane

2 Weeks Ago

Oh I was raised to be a good person, a good woman...n shes always been in there but addiction turn.. read more
Relic

2 Weeks Ago

I have friends that have been addicted for decades. I don't know how they function but they do. It m.. read more
S.Jane

2 Weeks Ago

Sounds about right
This tore my mother's heart to pieces. What I enjoyed as the sing song quality of a silly lullaby turned so quickly tragic that it left my heart spinning. From promise to torture, that inevitable tire screaming, can't stop in time and not a damn thing you can do about it helplessness that accompanies parenthood. That is potent writing.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

I'm glad you liked PL, thanks.
I think something you captured very well, maybe without even realizing, is how people will notice your troubles but will only offer judgement rather than help until it is much too late. I love your artistic choices, always adding to the story.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Relic

6 Months Ago

:) Thank you.
very very sad, it makes me feel many things. I love the way it's organized.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Relic

6 Months Ago

Thank you very much. :)
Very sad. Choices always have consequences, as your poem clearly shows. Well done!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Relic

6 Months Ago

I'm reminded of Chris Cornell in reading your review. You are right. Thanks.
SJ Mullins

6 Months Ago

You're welcome. :)

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118 Views
10 Reviews
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Shelved in 8 Libraries
Added on August 27, 2012
Last Updated on January 1, 2013
Tags: Baby, teenage, adult, trouble

Author

Relic
Relic

About
I'm a 55 year-old guy whose been playing drums for 40-something years. I use writing as another outlet. You can find me at Cosmofunnel also. more..

Writing
Paper fish Paper fish

A Poem by Relic



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