Untamed at Birth.

Rhyme and Meter

Laura girl, baby-girl, you're only two months old.

This crib you're in won't last too long;

You're acting too darn bold!

Laura girl, child-girl, what are you up to now?

Your tempestuous mood is wild enough

To hurt you soon somehow.

Laura girl, teenage-girl, tell me where you've been? 

Flaunting your chest to older boys 

Will lead to a life of sin. 

Laura girl, troubled-girl, no wonder you're in jail,

That deadly dance with illegal drugs 

Left you ruined and frail.

Laura girl, tragic-girl, the cops were at our door.

That car crash robbed your precious life

A beer was on the floor.

Laura girl, silent-girl, you look like you're asleep. 

Your maple casket shines so nice;

Your white dress looks so sweet.

Laura girl, angel girl, we're sending you our love.

Our broken hearts can only pray

You're somewhere up above.

Reviews

[Ed Hart]

a few stanzas in my heart stumbled, and i said, oh no, oh no

[Relic]

Thanks so much for reading Ed. :)

[Lorry]

So much of a life in your words here, that you sum up perfectly, such simple twists of fate that shape and mould us into everything we become. Although a beautiful epitaph, the emotions behind the words show that the tale was all too brief and that the life cut short could have been so much more. Superbly captured.

[Relic]

Thank you very much Nemo.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

very natural...and such a tragic tale....fate? or did she steer herself in that direction?

always a question we ponder under such circumstances.

the progression is fantastic in this piece.

[Relic]

This is an old one that's been re-worked several times. Thank you.

[RomaJ]

A very tragic and haunting tale. Truly heartbreaking and moving piece, Relic.
And you tell it, so beautifully.

[Relic]

Thanks Roma. :D

[Texasbay]

The form for this poem is perfect .. A definite heartache of a write .... A beautiful sorrow poetically
Such a sad tale ... Bay

[Relic]

That's so nice of you to say Bay. As poets we often wonder if what we write touches anyone at all. Reviews like yours confirms it does. I thank you. :)

[The Black Warrior]

Wow...Wow...Wow that is all that have to say LOL

[Relic]

I appreciate that, thanks.

[The Black Warrior]

You're very welcome :D

[AprilRN1210]

Holy cow, Tim!!! how have I not seen this one???.... oh my goodness... this is such an intense, raw, powerfully moving piece... What an evolution of a troubled life lost too soon... I love everything about this... the construction, the flow, the rhymes, the wording, the strength and emotions in the words... this is amazing, my friend... It is simple, yet so profound... It really touched me... wow... that's all I can say..

[Relic]

Well holy cow back at ya. haha, I wrote this eons ago and I can still remember the avatar with it. Thanks for liking it April.

[AprilRN1210]

I am serious!!! I didn't like it... I love it!!! one of my favorites of yours... amazing sir.. just amazing...

[Relic]

Thanks April.

[zainul]

The parents of Laura always love their daughter.
Neglect or lack of parental care might bring ill luck for her.
The same may happen for a son who was not guided properly.
Your epic work may be an eye opener for us all.
We can only pray when an angel dies before growing as a useful person.

[Relic]

Thanks so much for reading this one and for your wonderful comment Zainul.

[zainul]

You are most welcome,dear poet.
I appreciate your sagacious initiative to educate the children and alerting their parents before misfortunes.

[EloisaWrites]

Oh my! It broke my heart and made me cry. This is so tragically gentle and lovely. So happy to find it. :)

[Relic]

Dry your tears my friend, I'm sure she went to heaven. :) Thank you.