I will plant daffodils here if you want.

I will plant daffodils here if you want.

A Poem by Relic

Image result for daffodils at a grave


I will plant daffodils here if you want.
And when they've pushed from the ground;
when they've blossomed with life; 
when sunlight from God feeds them 
with the warmth of a penny-colored sun,
I'll see them stand with existence,
cheerful in yellow smiles and stiff collars.

But I will feel no delight or contentment.
Nor will I happily float away as fulfilled 
as the hummingbird or bee.

I'll leave instead, with the deepest wound,
never expecting messages from the dead.
And a perpetual resentment at our God
for keeping resurrection to himself. 





© 2017 Relic



Author's Note

Relic
Some wounds never heal. :(

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Reviews

This is very touching...the smiling flowers but yet the sadness of not seeing th other person to smile.... Thanks for sharing it with all of us :)

Posted 1 Week Ago


Relic

1 Week Ago

Thanks for the read Galadriel.
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k
This poem is so beautiful and sad. I think anyone that has experienced loss can relate to these words. I especially like your closing lines, "And a perpetual resentment at our God/for keeping resurrection to himself." It's such a strong way to end the poem. I usually try to give writers at least one area to consider in revision, but I literally can't think of anything for this particular piece. Well done!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you K.
deeply felt .. and i agree some wounds do not heal .. but they can have a profound effect on our hearts ..positive or negative ..but profound non-the-less .. i love your descriptions of the daffodils ..the smiling faces and stiff collars .. i think thats very inspired .. i love how you build the story ..and compare and contrast human hearts in pain with the satisfied hummingbirds and bees .. wonderful stuff says i! and the brutal honesty in closing punctuates that process of healing ..well done ..one reading and it is part of me ..wouldn't change a thing
E.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Relic

3 Weeks Ago

Thanks so much Einstien. :)
I love this poem. How you misdirect the reader while seeding the meaning throughout, the language you use, and, of course, the overall purpose.

I have only a couple points of advice or ideas.

This line stands out to me
"with the warmth, and vitality they need,"
because vitality seems a bit... general and bland, for the lack of better words. It doesn't contribute any imagery, really, as your other sentiments and language does along with the piece's conceit. I know that vitality deals with life and what not and that may be why you put it in but I believe contributing to the established and subsequent imagery and dealing with those tones and the true meaning would be more satisfying than the hollow all encompassing word, vitality.

Lastly, at the end, the "........" of written pause or hesitation causes more distraction than contribution. In poetry, I mostly believe brevity is best, not just in the words but in the concept and context surrounding them, especially in the closing line. I truly believe it'd be more poignant if it were omitted. The intended pause or disjointedness is already achieved with the separation between the lines. If further emphasis on a line is required, a space between the lines would suffice to highlight its importance. Also, aesthetically, you have the poem's words centered. With the "......." it creates a visual dissonance and distraction even more so than if it were to be aligned to the left as per normal.

Those are my only gripes, really. Otherwise I believe this is a perfect representation of the work you set out to achieve. And please, don't take this as something you must do but merely as a different perspective on the idea that YOU have. You are the sole possessor of that image in your mind, I am merely trying to help you better realize it.

Thanks for sharing! Please keep writing!
-Kenn

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


HandsomeKenn

3 Weeks Ago

Any time. I love doing workshops. I like to use that caveat because some people don't take kindly to.. read more
Relic

3 Weeks Ago

I've actually made some changes just now.

It's funny because before you reviewed thi.. read more
HandsomeKenn

3 Weeks Ago

Haha Hey, there is a time and place for every literary tool! As the writer, we have to make sure tha.. read more
A strong ending to a honest poem. You took the reader with your to deep thoughts and true ending. The lost of someone we loved. Hard to grasp and understand. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


But I will feel no delight or contentment.
Nor will I happily float away as fulfilled
as the hummingbird or bee.

You have put words to my greatest sorrow and regret. I buy loads of flowers and incense to place on my loved ones'graves with such a heavy heart knowing it won't ever bring them back.

This poem is so sad yet as beautiful as those daffodils...

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Relic

3 Weeks Ago

Thanks so much DIVYA. :)
DIVYA

3 Weeks Ago

You are most welcome :)
I love the anticipation I feel whenever I see something new from you! Your words make this reader swallow hard...

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Relic

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you very much Kelly. You know I appreciate it. :D
I thought this poem was headed one way and then it turned around... and I really like poems that do that. The idea that beauty can be recognized but not truly felt as a result of grief is incredibly sad. But sometimes life is just sad, and it would be a disservice to the world to leave sadness unspoken of.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Relic

3 Weeks Ago

Nicely said. Thanks you. :)
As poignant an expression of grief as I have seen on this site. The imagery of the cheerful daffodils in their stiff collars is exquisite, and you can almost feel the speaker's bitter pain in the work's last words. Very well done piece.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Relic

3 Weeks Ago

I appreciate your review, thank you. :)

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WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
A teen boy gets killed, but trades his soul for another chance. He changes. A girl notices the new boy with silver eyes.

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Added on September 21, 2017
Last Updated on September 24, 2017

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Relic
Relic

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I've been here since Mar 27, 2012. I welcome you and I hope you enjoy whatever you read. My read request option has been turned off. more..

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