I will plant daffodils here if you want.

I will plant daffodils here if you want.

A Poem by Relic

Image result for daffodils at a grave


 I will plant daffodils here if you want.
And when they've pushed from the ground
and blossomed with life; 
when sunlight from God feeds them 
with warmth from a penny-colored sun,
I'll see them exist,
cheerful in yellow smiles and stiff collars.

But I will feel no delight 
nor contentment.
Nor will I happily float away as fulfilled 
as a hummingbird or bee.

I'll trudge away instead, 
never expecting messages from the dead.
And a perpetual resentment at God

for keeping resurrection to himself. 




© 2017 Relic



Author's Note

Relic
Some wounds never heal. :(

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Reviews

the last line leaves me thinking :D I like it! True too :D

penny-coloured sun evoked a bright image - nice

sound to me like the narrator wants to be done with this particular passing - and yet there's something still holding him there.

Nice work X

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

That's a plausible interpretation KWP, thanks. :)
A very touching piece, Relic. Those final lines really hit home. He did say that he was a greedy and jealous God after all.

I haven't experienced much of this kind of mourning as yet in my life, but i do know it is on the horizon and it will most probably take all of my steely resolve to prepare myself for what lies ahead.

A very melancholic poem. Gentle in its sadness with just that right hint of venom at conclusion.

A fine piece of writing.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Relic

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you very much Dooley. I too will have to prepare.
planting flowers for the gone but not forgotten thanks for the lovely poetry,

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Relic

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you, Roxane.
This is very touching...the smiling flowers but yet the sadness of not seeing th other person to smile.... Thanks for sharing it with all of us :)

Posted 1 Month Ago


Relic

1 Month Ago

Thanks for the read Galadriel.
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k
This poem is so beautiful and sad. I think anyone that has experienced loss can relate to these words. I especially like your closing lines, "And a perpetual resentment at our God/for keeping resurrection to himself." It's such a strong way to end the poem. I usually try to give writers at least one area to consider in revision, but I literally can't think of anything for this particular piece. Well done!

Posted 1 Month Ago


Relic

1 Month Ago

Thank you K.
deeply felt .. and i agree some wounds do not heal .. but they can have a profound effect on our hearts ..positive or negative ..but profound non-the-less .. i love your descriptions of the daffodils ..the smiling faces and stiff collars .. i think thats very inspired .. i love how you build the story ..and compare and contrast human hearts in pain with the satisfied hummingbirds and bees .. wonderful stuff says i! and the brutal honesty in closing punctuates that process of healing ..well done ..one reading and it is part of me ..wouldn't change a thing
E.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Relic

1 Month Ago

Thanks so much Einstien. :)
I love this poem. How you misdirect the reader while seeding the meaning throughout, the language you use, and, of course, the overall purpose.

I have only a couple points of advice or ideas.

This line stands out to me
"with the warmth, and vitality they need,"
because vitality seems a bit... general and bland, for the lack of better words. It doesn't contribute any imagery, really, as your other sentiments and language does along with the piece's conceit. I know that vitality deals with life and what not and that may be why you put it in but I believe contributing to the established and subsequent imagery and dealing with those tones and the true meaning would be more satisfying than the hollow all encompassing word, vitality.

Lastly, at the end, the "........" of written pause or hesitation causes more distraction than contribution. In poetry, I mostly believe brevity is best, not just in the words but in the concept and context surrounding them, especially in the closing line. I truly believe it'd be more poignant if it were omitted. The intended pause or disjointedness is already achieved with the separation between the lines. If further emphasis on a line is required, a space between the lines would suffice to highlight its importance. Also, aesthetically, you have the poem's words centered. With the "......." it creates a visual dissonance and distraction even more so than if it were to be aligned to the left as per normal.

Those are my only gripes, really. Otherwise I believe this is a perfect representation of the work you set out to achieve. And please, don't take this as something you must do but merely as a different perspective on the idea that YOU have. You are the sole possessor of that image in your mind, I am merely trying to help you better realize it.

Thanks for sharing! Please keep writing!
-Kenn

Posted 2 Months Ago


HandsomeKenn

2 Months Ago

Any time. I love doing workshops. I like to use that caveat because some people don't take kindly to.. read more
Relic

2 Months Ago

I've actually made some changes just now.

It's funny because before you reviewed thi.. read more
HandsomeKenn

2 Months Ago

Haha Hey, there is a time and place for every literary tool! As the writer, we have to make sure tha.. read more
A strong ending to a honest poem. You took the reader with your to deep thoughts and true ending. The lost of someone we loved. Hard to grasp and understand. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Months Ago


But I will feel no delight or contentment.
Nor will I happily float away as fulfilled
as the hummingbird or bee.

You have put words to my greatest sorrow and regret. I buy loads of flowers and incense to place on my loved ones'graves with such a heavy heart knowing it won't ever bring them back.

This poem is so sad yet as beautiful as those daffodils...

Posted 2 Months Ago


Relic

2 Months Ago

Thanks so much DIVYA. :)
DIVYA

2 Months Ago

You are most welcome :)

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Added on September 21, 2017
Last Updated on November 2, 2017

Author

Relic
Relic

About
I'm a 55 year-old guy whose been playing drums for 40-something years. I use writing as another outlet. You can find me at Cosmofunnel also. more..

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