Time

A couple's prayers to slow the passage of time remain unanswered...

00:00:14:37s
     The room was steeped in a stillness broken only by the continuous metronome of the clock on the wall. Fractured light from a partially obscured moon cast pale shapes on the carpet and bleached the colour from the floral walls. The clock glinted in the silvery light, a stark reminder trespassing on the quiescence of pre-dawn. Outside, a faint breeze picked up and shifted the thin branches of the bare cherry tree causing them to tap faintly on the window as if beckoning.

00:00:11:17s
     Jack stared down at the slim fingers interlinked with his and gently massaged them. His throat was tight and his mouth a grim line as he cast his dull eyes to the clock, cursing its progress. Julia rested her head against his chest listening to the rhythmic throb of his heart as it beat in time with the clock. Everything was synchronised, a tormenting countdown, unremitting and unforgiving. She brushed a finger across her cheek and smeared the tear away. Her chest ached and her stomach lurched as she felt him shift his weight on the sofa, clasping his fingers ever tighter.
     Jack tilted his head and pressed his lips to the crown of her head, closing his eyes and delighting in the perfume of her hair. Thoughts and emotions cascaded through his mind, rushing, whirling and falling over themselves like unruly children, unchallenged and riotous. �I love you,� he whispered.
     Julia said nothing.

00:00:9:04s
     The low purr of a slowing engine caused them to both catch their breath; Julia felt his heart rate accelerate to a steady thud. She pressed her lips to his fingers, soaking them with her tears. The muted resonation of a car horn in the darkness made her start. Jack gave a sigh and cast his eyes from the clock to his watch, he was early. Of all days, today he was early.
     Gently unfolding her from his embrace he sat forward on the sofa and ran a hand through his hair.
     �Have you got everything?� She said, forcing normality into her tone.
     Jack gave a nod and stood up, unable to speak.
     They walked to the front door where his bag was waiting and he turned to her, cupping her chin in his hand. He gave a tense smile and kissed her fleetingly thumbing away a tear that rolled down her cheek.
     �I love you,� he said.
     �I love you too.�

00:00:7:42s
     Slinging the bag over his shoulder, he stroked her hair once, running his hand down her arm to clasp her fingers.
     �See you soon.� He kissed her again and stepped out into the encroaching dawn. He did not look back.
     Julia waited for the sound of the engine to die away before putting her face in her hands and sinking to her knees in the hallway.

00:00:00:00s�


     - The headlines at 12 o�clock: three British servicemen are killed and more than thirty injured as insurgents detonate a car bomb in Sadr City, a Shi�ite stronghold in north-eastern Baghdad� -

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Author's Note

Having been that guy sitting there waiting for that lift, I can certainly vouch for how they felt... thankfully I was okay. This is for all the lads and their families.

Reviews

[.Bunnie.]

Wow...this actually made me cry. Unfortunately, I know exactly how they felt, but even if I HADN'T...you did a phenomenal job expressing it...especially in so few words. I really like the way that you count down; it gives the reader the opportunity to hold their breath along with the couple, our sense of dread growing equally. Great job....I have absolutely not one critiquing word.

And you did GREAT with the vocab and sentence structuring...THANK YOU!! One of my biggest pet-peeves.

20/10 :D

[Carla (trying to make e..]

I cannot imagine living like that.
This made me appreciate living in a place where I am relatively safe to leave my apartment.



But, then again, you never know.

Carla

[dawnsue541]

There is a picture in my 360 yahoo blog that I wish I could send to you of an angel weeping over a headstone. I think this story descibes it.

[Mastermind]

Oh God, what a truly emotional piece! If time could stop for anyone, it should stop for this couple, for my heart breaks at the sad end! Thank you so much for entering my contest, keep up the phenominal work.

[Narnie]

crap. I sort of saw what was coming because I know your background etc. It must be one of the hardest things for a partner to have to endure - the person they love going into an environment like that. Kudos to you... and to Mouse. Full respect.

[Cristina Trapani-scott]

This is a beautiful piece!! You do a wonderful job of detailing the scene, while being emotionally subtle at the same time. You put the reader right there in the room with the couple. Well done.

[Russell Pennwright]

Dude, you're great.

[Sunny]

Very sad and chilling. Couldn't be better.

[the ghost of pauls]

You are a wonderful storyteller. The same skills you apply to your humorous stories of clear prose and immaculate pacing and timing you have applied to this and the result is haunting and evocative.

[Chantal-lise Mirman]

You have slowed time to a trickle in this excellent study of pivotal moments in life. The hyper vigilance that sets in when survival instincts are activated are demonstrated in the excrucuating detail of colors and sounds, with the emotions in abeyance, though oh-so-clearly present. Very poignant.

Great version of jet plane accompaniment!
Heartbreaking Dark Angel image.

Surprise, surprise... it's going into my favorites!