** STICK by Lame-O **

** STICK by Lame-O **

A Story by HoWiE

A while back someone challenged me to write an advert for them... they soon wished they hadn't...


Advertised by domestic God Barry Scott



Don’t get stuck - get unstuck with STICK!


New from LAME-O! 


The amazing new utility tool that literally gets you unstuck.




Made from 100% biodegradable material, STICK is an eco-friendly solution to life’s stickier situations.


Teachers, need to point something out to the class and don’t want to obscure parts of the chalk board?  Use STICK as an identification rod to directly single out the answers to those equations with STICK’s easy to use pointification usage.

Those little retards have no excuse NOT to learn!


Dog owners!  Forgotten to take Rex’s little squeaky ball out to the park?  Don’t panic!  Just reach for STICK, it can double as a handy throwing and retrieving system for your whiny little yapper.  Boy, Rex will be so happy he’ll s**t himself with glee!


Decorators, that paint not mixed properly?  Use STICK’s easy-to-get-to-grips-with mixification interface, simply hold one end and rotate your arm " IT’S NEVER BEEN EASIER!!

You can mixificate anything:  plaster " liquid concrete " cake mix " cookie dough " soup - even molten lava!

(Note: using STICK with molten lava may result in unwanted combustion)


Allergy sufferers, got that hard to scratch urti-carial itchy rash that just won’t go away?  Use STICK’s amazing itch eradication properties " simply scratch the end over the affected area again and again… feel that burn!  Just stop when you start to bleed " IT’S SO EASY!

May also be used for: Chicken pox " flea bites " measles and now… scabies!

(Warning: use of STICK may actually exacerbate medical condition " not to be taken internally)


STICK from LAME-O: the brand you can trust!


           Don’t take our word for it: just listen to these proud STICKLERS!



STICK is just perfect for drawing last minute military plans in the desert or at a frantic beach landing prior to a bloody battle " now my troops know exactly where they are going to die!  Thanks STICK!”

Col. JMS Herringbone.  US Marines.


“My wife and I have horrifically outdated Victorian principles.  Now with STICK in the home it’s easy to frenziedly beat our children into submission with its all new Thrash factor " who needs a birch?  It works on servants too.  Thanks LAME-O!”

George and Mary Sidebottom, East Grinstead.


“I’m a f*****g idiot and I’m always locking things with the keys inside.  I frequently use STICK’s patented Jimmying feature, it’s opened all sorts of doors " including the one to my cell!  Thank God for STICK!”

J Renfrew, Glasgow.


“I’m too lazy to reach for my TV remote control; it’s a whole 5 feet away.  Now I casually lean over and jab the wife so she can do it and then I can beat her if she doesn’t make my tea.  STICK is a multi-faceted tool; life wouldn’t be worth living without it.  Cheers!”

Cletus Beasley, West Virginia.


“It’s the ultimate tool… and so am I!”

R. Benbow, Penge.



STICK has so many other uses " waving to get attention when adrift at sea " splinting that unwanted fractured limb " jabbing a friend’s eye " S&M and many, many others!


Don’t delay, get STICK today!  Order now for just £29.99 and for a limited time only get a free TWIG for those harder to reach places.





(Warning " use of STICK may result in death)







© 2010 HoWiE

My Review

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I'd like two please.

Posted 5 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hahahha! This is hilarious!
(Note: using STICK with molten lava may result in unwanted combustion)
(Warning " use of STICK may result in death) made me laugh! Great write!

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lol. You just made me laugh my a*s off... it reminded me of an ignorant Valtrex commercial I wrote up once, hilarious stuff man, hilarious.

“It’s the ultimate tool… and so am I!” -- Best line, no doubt.

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ha ha! Reminded me of a reeves and mortimer sketch, or at least that's how I visualised it- I think I'll buy one to unlodge that pesky christmas poo from the u-bend! Nice one, take care, spence

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

LMAO This is just too funny. Perfectly executed. I love your imagination. Adding to favorites. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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6 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 22, 2010
Last Updated on December 22, 2010
Tags: advert



Plymouth,, Devon, United Kingdom

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