For Me

For Me

A Poem by Illegitimate Artist
"

On feeling trapped or something like that...

"

Sing for me, sweet birdie,

Sing for the sky.

For every time I try myself,

The song withers and dies.

 

Fly for me, sweet birdie,

Fly towards the day.

For every time I try myself,

I can’t seem to get away.

 

Scream for me, sweet birdie,

Scream without fear.

For every time I try myself,

Someone is near.

 

Die for me, sweet birdie,

Die in silent peace.

For every time I try myself,

I can find no release.


© 2008 Illegitimate Artist



Author's Note

Illegitimate Artist
Im not sure if I like the third stanza in there, added it as an after thought really. If you have the patients reread it without it and tell me what you think. Thanx ^__^

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Hm. Just lost what I said....we'll try this again.

I really like this piece. It sounds good both with and without the third stanza (yes i reread it without the third one). Without though the final stanza sticks out quite a bit more...the first two stanzas sound wistful whereas the last one (without the third) sounds more bitter. It's a sharp change. With the third one the change is...easier almost. Flows more. It depends upon whether you want the final stanza to stick out or the poem to flow into it, I suppose. It works well both ways.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

One reason I like this poem is because of the stages you are going through with the bird in each verse. Again, well done on yet another brilliant poem, Illegitimate Artist.

-Luke

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your piece has so much meaning and feelings wrapped up into it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hm. Just lost what I said....we'll try this again.

I really like this piece. It sounds good both with and without the third stanza (yes i reread it without the third one). Without though the final stanza sticks out quite a bit more...the first two stanzas sound wistful whereas the last one (without the third) sounds more bitter. It's a sharp change. With the third one the change is...easier almost. Flows more. It depends upon whether you want the final stanza to stick out or the poem to flow into it, I suppose. It works well both ways.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Pj
A great peom! I agree the third stanza kinda doesn't fit...but overall it was wonderful! The repetition of the bird was wonderful! The contrast between the freedom and capture :D

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A great write on trying to escape even though you're unable to. I think it's a little short without the third stanza but using "scream" is a bit harsh for the bird metaphor. One suggestion change to cry?

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I liked the overall theme portrayed by the piece. I agree with you that the third stanza doesn't really fit very well.

I would suggest replacing it with a stana about "Love" and what happens when you try to love. I think it would fit better and add more emotion into the piece that the reader can connect to.

Other then that I think it's wonderful. It fits your theme of being trapped or helpless very well.

Good work!
Maycroft

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

203 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 30, 2008

Author

Illegitimate Artist
Illegitimate Artist

West Middlesex, PA



About
Legal Explosives by ~MysticDragon85 on deviantART In December of 05 I graduated from Bradford School with my degree in Graphic Design Management Associate in Specialized Business, worked for over a y.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..