Pretty Birds

A Story by John Ryan

A teenager with schizophrenia talking about his high school, and the scottish play.

Pretty Birds

I make my way on stage while hearing bells bang against my ear drums. Good, that way i`ll be forced to say my lines louder. I was casted the lead in my school's drama club rendition of Mac… well we're not aloud to say the title. Cause that’s considered bad luck. But we do call it “The Scottish Play”.

But somebody somewhere will always say it wrong right?

I mean, cause, i've had some bad luck lately. Recently.

Somebody said it wrong. And the noose hit me in this cruel world.

Somebody made the mistake, and it took my sister.

My blood was spilled. But as the witches say “Fair is foul, and foul is fair”.

My sister, could be out there in the crowd, not understanding a word, but shes not.

Because someone made the mistake. Someone said it wrong.

Never again.

But I still see her. I still hear her. I still hug her.

She's still alive.

NO! No, I mean shes not.

But I see her, she's front row smiling, not understanding a word I say.

No, she died when her friends took her to the railroad to play. And they got to close when the train was coming.

But I see her, she's right there front and center stage, waving and smiling. She knows I can't acknowledge her. Cause

            I would be breaking character.
            Need to focus, lines I know them, im saying them. Louder because the bells are deafing.
            I`m not even at the school right now.
            Or am I? Did I take my pills?
            No I didn’t, cause Daniel told me not too.
            Do I have pills? But didn’t Daniel die? I remember his funeral.
            Yes he did die, cause he had a seizure and fell into a lake.
            But he said not to take the pills, so I didn’t. God I wish these flies would go away.
            NO! there are no flies! I`m in my room, rehearsing my lines. Did you know that I was casted the lead in the Scottish play, we call it that because…
            And I still see, Julie, shes telling me to play hide and seek with her.
            YOU ARE NOT REAL JULIE!
            she starts crying, ive been mean to Julie. Why did I yeall at her? IM A TERRIBLE BROTHER! NOW SHELL TELL MOM AND I WONT HAVE THE MAIN PART IM IN THE SCOTTISH PLAY I NEED TO DO THIS I JUST NEEEEEEEEEEEEE
            Of course ill play with you Julie.
            But I need to remember my lines.
            ***************************
            I walk the halls at school. The bells are ringing but no one moves.
            Math Class
            Numbers, variables, tables, transitions, angles, standard form, exponents
            I need to study my lines, I need to find my character.
            **************************
            I hear whispering, yet no mouths are moving. I look up and the board leads to another realm, another place in hstroy and time.
            I get up, maybe ill meet Macbeth, I could get some pointers.
            Everyone laughs except for me and Mr. Math Teacher
            Do they know that I have the lead in the scottish play?
            Julie died didn’t she?
            Yes/No/Maybe SOOOOOO
            Do the people in the class think im funny? Why are they laughing?
            I want to study my lines, I want to play with Julie.
            I WANT TO LEAVE, I NEED TO STUDY MY LINES!!!!
            but I cant, i`m sitting down, was I asleep? Am I asleep?
            The class isn't laughing, I guess i`m not funny.
            I want to go home
            Wait, is the bell ringing? Everyone is getting up.
            Lunch. Lines. Play.
            Julie, Daniel
            ***********************
            I fight off the visuals while at my house. I have my script and am reviewing, developing my character, when all of a sudden, I hear a chirp. But not like how I usually hear it, this sounds… real, quick, sudden, and scared. Mom wont be home for a while.
            I go outside and see it, this beautiful blackbird with a broken wing. Its dancing around the birdbath. Similar to when Daniel fell off the pier and into the lake that day. The day I thought he was joking. I cradle the bird in my arms tightly.
            Hes safe.
            I`m like Doctor Dolittle in my yard.
            But then, I hear him and her.
            DO IT.
            I squeeze the beauty in my arms, cutting away the life. It flails around in my hands, but I don’t stop.
            I don’t stop cause it feels so good. Because for the first time in my life,
            Im not the bird.
I`m not being choked by something bigger than me.
            Im free, free from all the stress, the sickness, the delusions that I cant be something, that I cant cope with myself, my failures.
            I set myself free to roam the skys with other birds.

© 2014 John Ryan

Author's Note

This was a semi-experimental writing, let me know if you like it or not.

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Featured Review

Glen Yumang Manese

Mac… well we're not aloud to say the title. Cause that’s considered bad luck. But we do call it “The Scottish Play”.
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Mac… well we're not allowed to say the title. Cause that’s considered bad luck. But we do call it “The Scottish Play”.
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just a minor...this is gripping --- and the style and way this goes forth...as you convey to us a life in a teenager with Schizophrenia...just raw in nature and form...with the entirety of it all...makes one feel the affects of his world...and translate that to the normal masses..as for a semi-experimental write --- I have to give this a thumbs up...different in understanding and language...