Living Like This

A short story about life and what it means to give up.

Trees turned into a blur as I ran past them as fast as I could with tears falling on the gravel beneath me. If you saw me you would think I am running from something, and in a way, I am. But no one else can see the thing looming behind me, no one else can see the thing chasing me but it is there and I there is only one way for me to escape it. I am not running from something physical, no I am running from the past. From broken hearts, from the people I hurt, from everything that I messed up. I have ran like this so many times, but today is different. I can just tell this is the day, the real day that I will escape. The day that this running turns into something bigger. I stopped on the giant rock I know far to well, the one I always stop at. The one on the edge of the cliff. 

"This is for real." I whispered to myself. Memories came flooding back. Of the days with my love, the one I hurt, the one I can never be with.

"Hey babe." Andy said grinning at me and pulling me in for a hug. Butterflies filled my stomach even though I know Andy calls everyone that. Andy is known for flirting with a lot of people but I can tell it's different with me. Those beautiful brown eyes are going to be the death of me, people say brown eyes are boring but the minute you see them in the sun you can see flecks of caramel and sunshine. They are undeniably beautiful especially compared to my dull blue eyes, "what are you thinking about honey?" 

I smiled, "You, I love you so much." 

 

"Hey baby." Andy's voice said as arms wrapped around my waist surprising me. I could not help but smile at how adorable my Andy is, "movies this weekend?" 

I nodded as I opened my locker grabbing my notebooks, "Of course, I would love that." 

I closed my locker then turned around to lock eyes with Andy who was wearing a huge smile, "Then it is a date."

"I have never officially asked you so, will you be my girlfriend?" Andy asked, those caramel eyes were the thing I could never say no to. But I know I have to. 

"Andrea I-I can't, my parents are against gays, if we actually date then it makes all of this real, I just can't do it. They would be so disappointed in me, they would never forgive me, I can't do this." I said and with that I ran off crying before she could respond.

Andy was my everything, and I lost her. I hurt her, I ruined everything. I never pictured myself as a heartbreaker but I definitely hurt a lot of people. 

"Rosemary do not do this," he was tearing up which made me look down trying to hide my tears, "I don't get it, why? Why are you leaving me? Please I can fix whatever I did, I can't lose you. Please I love you, don't leave me." Jake said in tears.

"Jake, I am sorry, I just need to be alone." I said trying to walk away but he grabbed my wrist. 

"Please give me a chance." He begged me but I pushed him away and ran, I did this to Andy and now to Jake, I ruin everything. 

"Give me a chance Rose, I know you've been hurt, but that is why I am here. I promise I will not leave you. I will always be here for you." Mike said holding my hands. 

"I am not worried about you hurting me, I am worried I will hurt you." I said looking down trying to hide my tears. I hate crying in front of people but it's happen a lot this past year. 

"You will not hurt me, I'm a big boy I will be okay, trust me I have been through worse. Give me a chance, trust me you won't hurt me it'll be okay." He responded.

"No, no I can not hurt another person, I can't do this."

Now here I am sobbing and inching closer and closer to the edge of the rock. This is it, this is the end. I moved a step forward and just like that, it was over. They say your life flashes before your eyes, but that is not true, I saw Andy's face then it all went black. 

Suddenly I saw Andy in tears hugging Lila my best friend, "I can't believe Rose gave up, it is all my fault. If I wouldn't have pushed her she would still be here. If I would've tried harder to help her she would still be here. I should have been there for her more." 

"I should not have complained about my problems as much, I should have been there for her more." Lila whimpered, she looks like she hasn't slept in weeks and her hair was a mess. 

Next I saw Jake his eyes red and puffy, "I lost her for good!" He shouted and slammed his hand into a wall then slid down the wall dropping his head into his now bleeding hands, "it's all my fault. She pushed me away, if I would have tried harder to help her she would be okay right now." 

Then I saw Mike slamming his fist into some guys' face, he gave up fighting when I got close to him. I could see the pain in his eyes and the bags under his eyes as his jaw clenched and he started kicking the other guys as hard as he could until the other guy was on the ground. But Mike just kept hitting him, "Everything is my fault." He muttered. 

I learned one thing, when you give up your pain does not disappear. Sure you escape it, but it simply gets passes onto the people who care about you to most.

Author's Note

I know it's not super good but I hope you all like it.

Reviews

[kite kid]

beatiful, your idea was on target throughout the story and the conclusion leaves me with a lesson. the only thing i can see that needs work are your transitions to the next talk, idea, or action , but most writer have that problems, including myself. but overall, great story and i loved the ending. cant wait to read the next piece.

thank you.

[ImperfectWriter]

Thank you very much I'll keep that in mind.

[Zabella]

very touching; shows how even if people don't hurt you, you can still hurt them and that can drive you to do anything, even suicide.

Very good!