NOW I NEED

this poem is actually about the need of a true partner to help one overcome any difficulties in ones life. (its actually incomplete , and also it can be seen as a song )

Crying here, at the side.

memorizing , what i tried.

the guilt always, hurts my mind.

I have failed , everytime.

Cause it takes two to be twice

I couldn't give my best everytime

I failed cause i know i hadn't tried it nice.

NOW I NEED, you by my side

NOW I NEED , someone to stop me from crying

NOW I KNOW, what it doesnt feel to be alright.

NOW I WANT ,someone to make me smile

I DON'T CARE , if you hate me now

CAUSE I HAVE BEEN rejected from my life .

Author's Note

please give your honest reviews. :)

Reviews

[Courtney]

The second stanza, I agree, would make a great chorus to a song! Actually, I sung it in my mind.. The first stanza I liked up until the last two lines. They were not bad, but I didn't quite see what led to them.. Maybe a little revising there, though this is all subjective to me :) a wonderful job! Thank you for this..

[Inder24]

Thnxx for the review.. I will try to be able to tell you the rhyme of the first stanza .. maybe by singing it and posting it on youtube !! :D

[Prritiy]

liked the honesty in the feelings displayed in a good creation.

[Chelle]

Good subject. However, I feel this poem has the potential to be more powerful than it is in its current state. The second stanza, if this were a song, would make an amazing chorus. And the first stanza would make a great verse. So, with that said, I feel that to really build up emotion and intensity before the climactic chorus, you might want to consider including a bridge in between the first and second stanza. Just a suggestion~

Not bad. Just needs a little more "oomph" you could say.

[Inder24]

Thanks for the review . I'll try my best when I'll write more of this poem/song ! :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

NOW I NOW,----Now I know

A poem, and a nice song to be (if completed). :)

[Inder24]

thanks for that, i have corrected it ! :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

You're welcome :)

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Beautiful.. Pen On.. Do u read mine 2 Time, Why? and who is a poet.. If possible then give ur reviews..

Regards,
Lucky

[Inder24]

ya sure.. and thanks for your review :)

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Welcome