Flying in Agony

A dark piece, briefly explained with the title.

I feel it killing me
The sun above the clouds

An ocean of orange clouds twist
Violently crashing into one another

My feather wings trail the clouds

Slicing through the bright day

I rose as a white crow from a lion
A lion that had crumbled in pain

I thought the disease disappeared
But not even wings can take it away

My eyes bleed black onto the clouds
And I can taste the black liquid in my mouth
A choking liquid of condensed pain

My deteriorating fingers fall
Followed by white feathers

My glass heart explodes inside
Shredding me apart from within

I have reached that place
That place where the sky swallows you whole
Where a bird loses will to fly
Where the clouds are on fire

My wings snap in half
And I am left with a frail figure
And an eternity to face
As I collapse onto the clouds

Here I lick my wounds
With whatever tongue I have left
And bid farewell to my wings
Leaving bleeding stumps on my back

I lie on the burning clouds
Staring up through black soaked eyes

Beside me I catch a glimpse of scarlet

A thread that is not burning like me

I reach for it with fingerless hands
And drag it toward me
Pressing it against my shattered heart

I kept it all this time

Knowing it gave me wings

Because as hard as it is to believe
I would be flying in agony without it

I would be flying in agony without it...

Reviews

[Vincent]

very good imagery; the words create pictures of vivid poignance and lament that i've not seen in quite a good while. the sheer agony of your vices and your torture by them can be clearly seen and felt. good work. i feel that other writers could learn from this.

[Shivam Murari]

Imagery is the heart of this poem. Good work, but too much of imagery :) Makes a good read, anyway :)

[Sabrina]

Poignant, you are certainly that all emotions are beautiful and these certainly are I like this idea of endurance of being sliced apart from the inside and being in agony but there is still hope, a very sad but elegant piece

[Poet Sayings]

you have a way with words, the opening line is amazing, the rest was bland and boring and had no punch imo, because its the same idea over and over and also has been told by a million people over and over "wings".. strive for complete originality. describe "wings" without saying the word "wings" is what i'm saying my friend.

[Honeypot]

You have mad skills. :-) Ok, the poem is complex and the metaphor of a bird flying too close to the sun and losing its wings is spot on. There's alot of despair in it, because he knows that he souldn't long for somethign so wrong for him, but he still does. Or at least that's how it seems to me. Really beautifully written.

[indieRokker]

-You did it, seriously you effing did it xD People struggle to word for word a piece that depicts a piece of art in writing. It's as if you splashed life into this with ink. You brought this piece to life with every line, each stanza had it's own emotional imagery. It all fell together perfectly. The most crucial stanza was six, it had a melancholy edge to it's pain. =/
You did it before & now you're doing it all over again, bringing you're work to life.
Amazingly well written =]

indie♥

[Romeo]

That was AMAZING!!! I mean, I felt every emotion throughout your piece. I wish that I could find the words to set you free from this agony because no one should have to feel this crucial from within you know. I enjoyed it and can't wait to hear so more.

Romeo

[~A.J.P.~]

A vivid word picture, I think all of us feel that way at some point in our lives. I think I have more than a scarlet thread, more like a rainbow of them that join together to make a rope strong enough to pull me out of my darkest hours. Beautifully put.

[WriterSki7]

Hahaha . . . very nicely done. Reminds me of underlying themes in some of my other work . . . Tha'ts besides the point though. People are driven for various reasons. Many are driven by family, religion, fame, and money. Others are more complex . . . and then there are a few who aren't necessarily driven at all, merely moving forwards simply because they have no reason to go back.

Fear, love, passion, hatred, pride, prejudice, happiness. Reality is emotions are temporary. Dreams are eternal. Dreams are what keep me going.

[Claire Karrine]

I cannot help but remember a conversation we had a long time ago. How you had gray dying feathers for wings, and mine were a deeper white...

The imagery here was fantastic Natalie. I loved the lines:
An ocean of orange clouds twist
Violently crashing into one another

and...
I lie on the burning clouds
Staring up through black soaked eyes

Beside me I catch a glimpse of scarlet
A thread that is not burning like me

I reach for it with fingerless hands
And drag it toward me
Pressing it against my shattered heart

Very powerful, very beautiful. I've missed writing like this from you.

My scarlet thread? It has to be God... He's the only one that can keep me sane.
Thanks for sharing,
~Claire Karrine