First Dance

You, You were my hope for an end to sadness filled morrows. A pillow to soften the blows of life’s lonesome sorrows. A beacon of light, through my darkest night. Though many felt our love to be wrong, nothing had ever felt so right. We thought our love had empowered us. Then it left us to crash, 

I'll always be grateful to have known you,

lucky to have had the chance.

as I sit here in the shadows of my memory,

my only regret, as I reflect,

we never got to hear our song fill the evening air

we never touched the magic of our very first dance.

Reviews

[JayG]

I see a few things you might want to look into:

• If you begin with couplets you need to maintain that throughout. The lack of them in L5/l6 of the first stanza is jarring.

• "Though it was wrong, it remained right."
If the "it" in the line refers to the "love" of the line before, how can it be wrong, and at the same time "remain" righ? Edit, edit, edit.

• If the poem is structured, as it is here, it must maintain that structure throughout. So the number of feet on line one, and number of lines in it of S1 should be the same in S2. Prodsody matters a great deal.

Take a look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's a really good intro to the nuts-and-bolts of poetry.

[Resa]

Thank you for your honest input. Are you a teacher?

[JayG]

No, not even a very good writer. But I have been around for long enough to have made all the mistakes.

[Resa]

if you find the time, perhaps you could read more of my stuff.
I never really studied poetic structures or types of poems.
I just write .
I also enjoy reading poetry.
my favorite writer is edgar allen poe
thank you again for your honesty and advise

[Indra's Child]

I really enjoyed this. It says a lot without saying too much.
Thanks for the add by the way. You're really talented.
Peace and booooop

[Desiree O'Neal]

This was really sad, but like always amazing.

[Resa]

😊 thank you!