my Armor

I wander because I'm full of dread,

and overflowing with hope.

I won't ponder what hope is,

what it will, eventually, do to me.

I wonder why I continue to find

the sad destruction of life

and that I can still find joy;

in colors so bright they hurt.

I feel it when I see the sun,

and am I alone in

seeing the screaming without

and hearing it within?

It takes black sounds,

and the taste of white

to know a loss 

or one of life's wins.

That's it, the struggle,

important or trivial,

the overcoming of inertia;

the struggle on an unmoved earth.

Inside me is this volcano;

emotions stirred with confusion

making a potion of laughter

and eyes full of tears.

The battles, the victories

the mumbled admissions,

the scars of defeat;

healed and hardened to armor.

Synapses excited into feelings

becoming thoughts

moving my meat bucket heart

in ways not quite random.

I look forward, and the end is not so fuzzy now

as I begin the journey toward home.

I remember the beginnings,

and still, why? Just why.

Reviews

[Perkele.7885]

Mark, I feel you talking about remembered turmoil here. I get a sense that there are are few remaining such as yourself but, why (I HAVE REACHED THAT CONCLUSION, i DO NOT KNOW WHY)! Are we reaching some sort of a conclusion at the end of the poem? I enjoy poems that make me think a bit and yours has done just that!

[icelandicblue]

The armor is there after many battles but hope resides within its walls. There is beauty and there is pain in everything. Some of us experience an imbalance in one area but are able to see the vivid meaning in so much else. This feels vulnerable yet strong. A wonderful read.

[Mark]

Wow, you really understood this one!! I couldn't have described what I was going for in this write even half as well as you have. Thank you Blue :)

[Pryde Foltz]

The battles, the victories

the mumbled admissions,

the scars of defeat;

healed and hardened to armour.

Perhaps one day that armour becomes brittle and breaks to reveal the you were all along. Gorgeous write.

[Mark]

I suppose someday the right person might come along, but after all these years I'm content that it probably will never be. :) Thanks for the comment.

[Daniel Inger]

.....'And man was placed in Eden, to fulfill his destiny there'.....

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

A beautiful write. I can picture that armor, that detachment, that holding of the world at arms length because if we don't take root anywhere how can that hope ever grow? Thank you for baring your soul Mark.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I love the opening line of this poem Mark, it just dragged me in and sucked me under this 'drowning' piece. The feel of dispair and yet soldiering on is palpable in these stanzas. There are such mixed emotions expressed throughout that it leaves the reader feeling worn out.