African Swallows

Migrating Swallows 2 versions the origional and a shortened re-write to fit the contest rules better

Weathered wings withstand the whipping winds
as frostbitten feathers fight against free fall 
the migrating millions make sweet midnight mourn
as southern swallows scream and softly stall
the taunting tides trace tired mirrored eyes
as fallen bodies beckon from beneath the boiling foam
pushing past the point of perpetual pain
looking longingly at looming African loam.

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re write to fit the contest

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Weathered wings give flight to hearts
beaten back by wintry breath
as swallows eclipse the risen sun
bringing to light the dance of death
the ocean offers them no rest
as bodies flail in frothing foam
as the heart of Africa beats
in tune with theirs calling them home

Author's Note

Alliteration contest, be honest please

Reviews

[Ruth]

Absolutely astonishing! Amazing work love..this has truly moved me..going to favourites...woahhh!
xx

[Raindrop]

It certainly tells a story. :) Short, yet it contains everything and more.
Honestly, it is an amazing write!

[J.]

Its interesting.... The alliteration is really distracting when its as constant as it is. I'd like you to write another poem using the same subject matter without as much alliteration.

[pinkasylum]

I love this! It looks like quite a challenging write, you must tell me what alliteration is. Wonderful flow.

[Daytonight]

I love the alliteration you used! Well done! Good luck in the contest. Keep on penning.