these are our oceans

these are our oceans

A Poem by Alm

there is a sort of stillness in the chaos

in this voice that she sings with

to the silent cacophony of the wind

dancing with the leaves that must have died

long ago in winter lands

twirling into his warm tropic embrace

and ever so evergreen eyes that slowly burn

a song echoes in the deeper distance

in the roots quenched by rain

from the clouds of grief

and they swim, and drown in their oceans

that teem with tears


© 2012 Alm



Author's Note

Alm
WHEE. I rewrote this, sort of. The first line is sort of like Winged. I rewrote it like caesarkreshen suggested. It's completely different, though. Excuse the lack of punctuation. It is meant to be as such.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I don't know what's up with writerscafe recently. I spend hours looking for good writing to review and stumble upon some beastly writings. It's moments like these that make the struggle worth it. This poem is absolutely exquisite. I saw a previous review about you only being fourteen. If you're fourteen and these are the things you're able to write, I'm shocked.

This is amazing, really. I hope you use your talent well and produce more pieces like this one. Thank you for sharing. Good luck and happy writing.

Cheers!

100/100

Posted 5 Years Ago


Alm

5 Years Ago

I think that there are many good writings out there, just waiting to be seen. Thank you so much! For.. read more
gloomysundays

5 Years Ago

No problem!
hey you're one talented 14yo writer, I read winged and now this, it's much improved in the way that you are allowing it to flow its natural course, this is the you with that tinge of melancholy in your tone, it says you are wiser than we know, this was harmonic and it made me shiver.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Alm

5 Years Ago

thank you so much! :) I'm happy that it's improved!
I can see your writers block is vanishing slowly; it glints through your words, Alyssa. Without punctuation, it seems to work out better. Backing up Rometsi's statement below; your pairing of words and metaphors worked out lovingly. Well done.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Alm

5 Years Ago

Eyooo Ryyy. I like experimenting between capitalization and punctuation. 'Tis why, I'm glad it worke.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Tai Ryens

5 Years Ago

My dearest pleasure ~
This is very nice. I like the metephors and the way you paired the words. And...can't think of anything to make it better. Good job.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Alm

5 Years Ago

Thank you, my ninja friend. The metaphors kind of suddenly appeared on their own...I don't know how .. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

313 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on September 3, 2012
Last Updated on September 3, 2012

Author

Alm
Alm

By the sea, in a land called Honah Lee



About
Alm is short for Alyssa Marie. I'm sixteen now, I don't claim to write well. I'm sorry if I review bad. Sometimes I bake snickerdoodles, the smell of cinnamon and vanilla on my fingertips lingers... more..

Writing
great great

A Poem by Alm


i am i am

A Poem by Alm


the saddest the saddest

A Poem by Alm