God Bothering

God Bothering

A Poem by The Iron Horseman

Just a little humour about a young man desperate to get laid.


So I said to God “I wanna have some fun.”

He said “Don't talk to me, boy, you've got the wrong one.”

You need to talk to those pagan gods.

Those guys don't care what you do with your bods.”

I said “Is there a particular one that you'd recommend”

He said “You could try Pan, he's a pretty good friend.”

So I looked up the great god Pan,

Said “I hear you're good with the chicks, my man.”

He said “So what if I am? What's it to you?”

I said “Well, I was hoping you'd spare me a chick or two.”

He said “You know what, man? You're a bit of a creep.

What's mine is mine, and what's mine I keep.”

So I went back to God, my cap in my hand,

Said “So help me God, I don't understand.”

Your good friend Pan, he just ain't sharing,

And I'll tell you straight, he sure ain't caring!”

So if there's another pagan god that might help me out,

Please give me the name and I'll give him a shout.”

God thought and he thought, then he started to grin,

You could try Cernunnos, he's well steeped in sin.”

He said “After all, he is the Horned God,

But you better watch out, he's an ornery old sod!”

So I hunted down the mighty Cernunnos,

Only to discover that he just didn't give a toss.

He said “Human lust is my bread and butter.

I'm not helping out some sex mad nutter.”

So I went back to God, said “Man, I don't think you're trying.”

He said “Of course I'm not, I just like watching sinners crying.”

I said “Good God, oh well, I'll be damned!”

He said “You got that right” and Hell's Gate slammed.

© 2017 The Iron Horseman

© 2018 The Iron Horseman

Author's Note

The Iron Horseman
Just something to make you smile.

My Review

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A amazing story shared in the poetry. Asking Devil and old Gods for help. Like peeing in the wind. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.

Posted 2 Days Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

2 Days Ago

Lol! Thank you, Coyote.
You know what they say about peeing into the wind?
You always .. read more
Coyote Poetry

1 Day Ago

You are right and you are welcome.
Congrats on your much deserved 1st in Donna's contest-- I really got a kick out of this- (and even though it's been a long, long time since I was a horny young man, I'd trade all the wisdom of age to go back again!)

Posted 1 Month Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Month Ago

Thank you for your congrats and for this review, my friend.
Do you think the gods would be ob.. read more
And where were Venus, Aphrodite and Cupid in all of this? Taking the day off? Had better things to do? This clever and humorous tale might be a young fellow's worst dream. A great case for one to forgo permission and seek forgiveness afterwards.

Posted 3 Months Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

3 Months Ago

Lol! Yes, they were off partying! Hey, the list of possible gods and goddesses is so long I would ha.. read more
I am literally laughing so hard I snorted water! I LOVE IT!!!! You nailed those deities - all 3! to be sure! What fun. You are just the bestest in the westest...um, wait...northest.

Posted 7 Months Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

7 Months Ago

Glad it gave you a laugh. I wrote this one in the middle of the night. It just kinda popped into my .. read more
I remember the days you could pray for anything.
Now you need to beg to get laid.
Though I must admit. When the gates of hell slam shut. It's ping pong my boy.

Posted 7 Months Ago

The Iron Horseman

7 Months Ago

Yes indeedy! Ping pong it is! :)
ROFL... Yes... Than hells gate slammed... F*****g... This was the greatest thing I have read in a good while... Full on smiling here, mate... Laughing as well... Goddamn... Oops... Better just watch the sinner run...

Posted 7 Months Ago

The Iron Horseman

7 Months Ago

Lol! Thank you, my friend. Glad it gave you a good laugh.

7 Months Ago

It very much did, thank you... And a pleasure
So playful, and full of fun. Enjoyed this little word candy.

Posted 8 Months Ago

The Iron Horseman

8 Months Ago

Thanks, NG. I'm glad it made you smile. That's all it was intended to do! :)
Humorously Randy

Great Read


Posted 8 Months Ago

The Iron Horseman

8 Months Ago

Thank you.
Matthew Kult

8 Months Ago



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8 Reviews
Added on October 21, 2017
Last Updated on March 17, 2018
Tags: humour, humor, satire, god, religion, sex, mythology, poems, poetry, fun


The Iron Horseman
The Iron Horseman


Aspiring new writer. I enjoy writing stories, poems and song lyrics. In fact most of my poems are song lyrics! All constructive input is welcome. If you think something sucks, tell me so. I won't be o.. more..


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