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God Bothering

God Bothering

A Poem by The Iron Horseman
"

Just a little humour about a young man desperate to get laid.

"

So I said to God “I wanna have some fun.”

He said “Don't talk to me, boy, you've got the wrong one.”


You need to talk to those pagan gods.

Those guys don't care what you do with your bods.”


I said “Is there a particular one that you'd recommend”

He said “You could try Pan, he's a pretty good friend.”


So I looked up the great god Pan,

Said “I hear you're good with the chicks, my man.”


He said “So what if I am? What's it to you?”

I said “Well, I was hoping you'd spare me a chick or two.”


He said “You know what, man? You're a bit of a creep.

What's mine is mine, and what's mine I keep.”


So I went back to God, my cap in my hand,

Said “So help me God, I don't understand.”


Your good friend Pan, he just ain't sharing,

And I'll tell you straight, he sure ain't caring!”


So if there's another pagan god that might help me out,

Please give me the name and I'll give him a shout.”


God thought and he thought, then he started to grin,

You could try Cernunnos, he's well steeped in sin.”


He said “After all, he is the Horned God,

But you better watch out, he's an ornery old sod!”


So I hunted down the mighty Cernunnos,

Only to discover that he just didn't give a toss.


He said “Human lust is my bread and butter.

I'm not helping out some sex mad nutter.”


So I went back to God, said “Man, I don't think you're trying.”

He said “Of course I'm not, I just like watching sinners crying.”


I said “Good God, oh well, I'll be damned!”

He said “You got that right” and Hell's Gate slammed.



© 2017 The Iron Horseman



Author's Note

The Iron Horseman
Just something to make you smile.

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Reviews

I am literally laughing so hard I snorted water! I LOVE IT!!!! You nailed those deities - all 3! to be sure! What fun. You are just the bestest in the westest...um, wait...northest.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Week Ago

Glad it gave you a laugh. I wrote this one in the middle of the night. It just kinda popped into my .. read more
I remember the days you could pray for anything.
Now you need to beg to get laid.
Though I must admit. When the gates of hell slam shut. It's ping pong my boy.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


The Iron Horseman

2 Weeks Ago

Yes indeedy! Ping pong it is! :)
ROFL... Yes... Than hells gate slammed... F*****g... This was the greatest thing I have read in a good while... Full on smiling here, mate... Laughing as well... Goddamn... Oops... Better just watch the sinner run...

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


The Iron Horseman

2 Weeks Ago

Lol! Thank you, my friend. Glad it gave you a good laugh.
Silente

2 Weeks Ago

It very much did, thank you... And a pleasure
So playful, and full of fun. Enjoyed this little word candy.

Posted 1 Month Ago


The Iron Horseman

4 Weeks Ago

Thanks, NG. I'm glad it made you smile. That's all it was intended to do! :)
Humorously Randy

Great Read

Matthew

Posted 1 Month Ago


The Iron Horseman

1 Month Ago

Thank you.
Matthew Kult

1 Month Ago

Welcome

Matthew

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114 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on October 21, 2017
Last Updated on October 21, 2017
Tags: humour, humor, satire, god, religion, sex, mythology, poems, poetry, fun

Author

The Iron Horseman
The Iron Horseman

Canada



About
Aspiring new writer. I enjoy writing stories, poems and song lyrics. In fact most of my poems are song lyrics! All constructive input is welcome. If you think something sucks, tell me so. I won't be o.. more..

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