God Bothering

God Bothering

A Poem by The Iron Horseman
"

Just a little humour about a young man desperate to get laid.

"

So I said to God “I wanna have some fun.”

He said “Don't talk to me, boy, you've got the wrong one.”


You need to talk to those pagan gods.

Those guys don't care what you do with your bods.”


I said “Is there a particular one that you'd recommend”

He said “You could try Pan, he's a pretty good friend.”


So I looked up the great god Pan,

Said “I hear you're good with the chicks, my man.”


He said “So what if I am? What's it to you?”

I said “Well, I was hoping you'd spare me a chick or two.”


He said “You know what, man? You're a bit of a creep.

What's mine is mine, and what's mine I keep.”


So I went back to God, my cap in my hand,

Said “So help me God, I don't understand.”


Your good friend Pan, he just ain't sharing,

And I'll tell you straight, he sure ain't caring!”


So if there's another pagan god that might help me out,

Please give me the name and I'll give him a shout.”


God thought and he thought, then he started to grin,

You could try Cernunnos, he's well steeped in sin.”


He said “After all, he is the Horned God,

But you better watch out, he's an ornery old sod!”


So I hunted down the mighty Cernunnos,

Only to discover that he just didn't give a toss.


He said “Human lust is my bread and butter.

I'm not helping out some sex mad nutter.”


So I went back to God, said “Man, I don't think you're trying.”

He said “Of course I'm not, I just like watching sinners crying.”


I said “Good God, oh well, I'll be damned!”

He said “You got that right” and Hell's Gate slammed.


© 2017 The Iron Horseman



© 2018 The Iron Horseman



Author's Note

The Iron Horseman
Just something to make you smile.

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Reviews

This is excellent.Made me laugh out loud. Great roasting.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Month Ago

Thanks, Dawn. I'm glad it gave you a laugh, that was its purpose! :)
Damn that’s some sick roasts!! Lol I’m a Christian but it wasn’t really offensive it was funny. Good job! This’s could be a rap song some day.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Month Ago

Thanks, Cole. When you record it, please send me a copy! :D
Cole Anderson

1 Month Ago

Will do man will do.
I LITERALLY laughed out loud. Thank for that, my friend. I have certainly missed reading your work. Still chuckling. Next time send the dude to Hel.... I would love to hear what she would offer!

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

2 Months Ago

Now there's an idea! I see you know your Norse legends, too. I'm glad it made you laugh; that is all.. read more
This one of the funniest stuff i read today though I believe in only one God but i will give it to you for the sense of humor :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

2 Months Ago

Thanks, Taral. The poem wouldn't have worked without the pagan gods! :)
A amazing story shared in the poetry. Asking Devil and old Gods for help. Like peeing in the wind. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

5 Months Ago

Lol! Thank you, Coyote.
You know what they say about peeing into the wind?
You always .. read more
Coyote Poetry

5 Months Ago

You are right and you are welcome.
Congrats on your much deserved 1st in Donna's contest-- I really got a kick out of this- (and even though it's been a long, long time since I was a horny young man, I'd trade all the wisdom of age to go back again!)

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

7 Months Ago

Thank you for your congrats and for this review, my friend.
Do you think the gods would be ob.. read more
And where were Venus, Aphrodite and Cupid in all of this? Taking the day off? Had better things to do? This clever and humorous tale might be a young fellow's worst dream. A great case for one to forgo permission and seek forgiveness afterwards.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

9 Months Ago

Lol! Yes, they were off partying! Hey, the list of possible gods and goddesses is so long I would ha.. read more
I am literally laughing so hard I snorted water! I LOVE IT!!!! You nailed those deities - all 3! to be sure! What fun. You are just the bestest in the westest...um, wait...northest.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Glad it gave you a laugh. I wrote this one in the middle of the night. It just kinda popped into my .. read more
I remember the days you could pray for anything.
Now you need to beg to get laid.
Though I must admit. When the gates of hell slam shut. It's ping pong my boy.

Posted 1 Year Ago


The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Yes indeedy! Ping pong it is! :)
ROFL... Yes... Than hells gate slammed... F*****g... This was the greatest thing I have read in a good while... Full on smiling here, mate... Laughing as well... Goddamn... Oops... Better just watch the sinner run...

Posted 1 Year Ago


The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Lol! Thank you, my friend. Glad it gave you a good laugh.
Silente

1 Year Ago

It very much did, thank you... And a pleasure

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12 Reviews
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Added on October 21, 2017
Last Updated on March 17, 2018
Tags: humour, humor, satire, god, religion, sex, mythology, poems, poetry, fun

Author

The Iron Horseman
The Iron Horseman

Canada



About
Aspiring new writer. I enjoy writing stories, poems and song lyrics. In fact most of my poems are song lyrics! All constructive input is welcome. If you think something sucks, tell me so. I won't be o.. more..

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