Prompt 4: Dear Daniel

My submission for the prompts contest.

I have finally reached the end of the rope, and everything hurts.

Getting up in the morning, putting on my clothes, brushing my teeth, everything. Existing has became a chore for me. I feel no intrinsic compulsion to go on. I am 46 years of age as of today, and I have not amounted to anything of significance in my entire life. I have outstayed my welcome in this world, as far as I am concerned.

I drag  myself to my bathroom for a shower, walking quickly past the mirror. I hate mirrors. Every time I see my reflection nowadays, my heart sinks. I look how I feel; I look like a complete and utter failure. My hair is messy, my skin is pale. I have not gone outside in days. As a matter of fact, I have not gone outside since she left me. For real, this time. She made it glaringly apparent that there are no second chances this time. I am on my own this time, forever. I mull over all these thoughts and feeling in my head as the hot water hits my skin and I wash myself off, restoring some of my cleanliness. Making me feel somewhat human again.

After I dry myself off, I head into my room. I have combed my hair neatly, I want it to be perfect for this particular occasion. I find my finest suit, and don it. I go into my closet and grab one of my shoe-boxes to place all of my favorite things inside. My pocket knife from when I was little, my wedding ring, my family picture, my picture of my late daughter. Everything in the shoe-box got strong emotional reactions from me, as they all mean a lot to me and trigger a lot of memories ad feelings. I had worn that wedding ring for 28 years, and took a life for the first time with the pocket knife. However, there was one thing missing from the box that meant a hell of a lot to me. Though, that is because I require it's assistance... one last time.

That object is my Smith & Wesson .500 Magnum.

That's right, this truly is the end. I will not give my one true love the power to take my life away. That power belongs to me, and I will use it. It is my right. If I'm not with her, I do not see the point in living anymore. Besides, I want to see my daughter again. God, I miss my beautiful little girl so much...

I walk into my closet, with my suicide note and DNR paper tucked into my pocket neatly.

Until that point, I had felt no emotions but despair. As soon as I closed myself in the closet though, I began to feel everything at once. I felt alive, and the more alive I felt, the more awful I felt. I now know that life is far too painful for me to endure. I focus on the sweet release as I put the gun into my mouth.

As I gather up the courage to pull the trigger, I notice a note.

It is titled, "To me when I'm old." I open it out of curiosity and set down my firearm.

"To me when I'm old,

Hi me! It's you, me. How have you been? I am writing my future self this letter from the 5th grade. Things are going well for me, minus the fact that my parents were disappointed with my grades this trimester and said I can't play with my Nintendo 64 for a whole month. I bet you're way happier than me!"

If only that were the case.

" I bet being an adult is hard and stuff, but I am a happy person in general! I like to smile and I like to make friends. You might not remember this about you, but you love playing video games and guitar. Promise to not stop playing guitar! Mom says that we are good at it. Talents are unique, and are sure to make you happy with how special they make you feel!

Even though I'm a kid, I'm not stupid. I know that being an adult is hard, I know that mom and dad have a hard time sometimes. If mom and dad struggle, I know that we will. Just read this part if you're ever sad: even if you think no one cares about you, I LOVE YOU! You love you, and isn't that all that matters? Believe in yourself, Daniel. Believe in us, and let nothing get in our way! I think that you're awesome.

Sincerely,           

You, from 5th grade"

          

I put the gun back in my mouth, try to fire, and I can't.

God, have I gone absolutely insane? I love myself! As I should. Everybody should love themselves ad try their best to work through their issues, no matter how big or small. 

Even if it's just yourself, always remember...

...somebody needs you.

Author's Note

I'm just getting back into writing, so yea I just just kinda freelanced it xD