Jealousy, one of the ugliest human traits. They’re identical. My jealousy and me, we’re both ugly. This is probably also one of the many reasons, why my love for Jason would only be from a far. We’re like heaven and earth, oil and water, we will never meet. I, Jenna Clark, will never be able to catch a hold of you, or so I thought.
However, this is where my story begins; a story that started as nothing but a nightmare into something that can be mistaken as a fairytale story. This is how I came to realize, how not only looks can captures one’s heart.
“Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind”
I still remember how passionate and honest you were when you whispered this sentence to me, as I felt the warmth that you emitted as you engulfed me into a loving hug. How I love that feeling.
Love by many, hated by few, Jason Ellies, the boy with the brown golden locks, beautiful shaped chocolate brown eyes and the cherry red lips with the a thousand watt smile to match; with the smooth sun-kissed skin layering over his tall and broad structure. Perfect. Maybe saying that someone can be this perfect would be too much, but can you blame me? I’m nothing but unattractive love struck teenager.
Unattractive, ugly and unsightly are the many vulgar and demeaning words used to describe me. At first, I would ask myself, why? Why me? Isn’t it unpleasant enough to be so hopelessly devoted to someone that you very well know will never return your feelings because of your obvious difference?
Unrequited love is just like rain drops hitting on car windows, it doesn’t matter how much love you pour into them because at the end of the day it won’t matter it would glide right out of their mind the endless love and affection, just like how rain drops slide off car windows to be absorbed by the ground.
It’s ironic really, how we ended up getting to know more about each other; partnered up in an English project having to re-enact a scene in ‘Romeo and Juliet,' At first I thought he was going to be just like all the popular kids who gets partnered up with me with the ‘You do everything and I’ll talk to my friends’ attitude but unsurprisingly you weren’t. You were faultless.
Cold, was how I promised myself to act so cold towards you; I might be hopelessly dedicated to you but what’s the point in acting like some crazed fan girl, you’d only think more weirder of me. Although, I don’t really think I’ve succeeded because once you flashed me your eye blinding smile, I almost forgot how to breathe along with the thought of how cold I should act towards you.
“I hope we work well together” You said while intending a friendly handshake.
“Y-yeah m-me too.” I stuttered before taking your hand. I hate that, makes me sound so pathetic.
However, I knew what was coming. I expected it.
“Hey, Jay you left yo-” I called out, stopping as I see one of your female friends.
“You know for someone smart, I thought it would be crystal clear to you by now how someone like Jason can never like you.” It was all she said before walking away. I expected that; doesn’t mean it would hurt any less.
Never did it once occur to me that befriending you could be this easy, because if I had known then I could have used all the wasted time in getting to know you, instead of wallowing myself in self pity and depriving myself of what could possibly make me undeniably happy. Don’t get me wrong there are other things that make me happy; example- my parents, my room, my friends. Although seeing your smile, laugh or talk just gives me the happiness you experience when you’re soaring on cloud nine. It was pure bliss.
“For being a wonderful partner, here” you complimented before giving me the sweet treat. Hershey’s Kisses, my favourite. You remembered, I’ve only told you once but you remembered.
I can still vividly memorize, the day you asked me out for a walk to the park. We were coming out from maths that day, I love how after we worked on one project for English did you just suddenly realizes that we shared almost all classes together.
“Hey, Jennie how ‘bout I treat you for an ice-cream in the park, for passing the English” You said while trying to escape this jungle like classroom. You called me ‘Jennie’ it was the nickname you decided to give me, when I unconsciously called you ‘Jay’, you said that you liked it. I’m glad you did.
“Um, yeah sure, Just for passing the exam, right?”I agreed while silently ushering out the last phrase.
But it’s not the reason why I want to memorize that day; it was the fact that I want to be able to remember exactly how I felt when you asked me, the exhilaration and pure elation that was flowing up and down by my body masked by what I thought seemed like a calm facade, although I must admit the candy floss tinted cheeks didn’t help but I didn’t want to appear too eager it's only a friendly walk after all.
The day was filled with so much laughter and giggles, most of it coming from me but you had your fair share. I can also perfectly recall telling myself how not to get my hopes up and to not destroy the small remains of my already crumbling heart. Why am I even doing this? Aren’t I just basically killing myself with the torture? Perhaps a masochist, yeah I’ve turned into one, you turned me into one.
But I can’t deny the reality when our hands will ever so slowly brush against one other, the slight touch sending me over the edge with all this bottled up feelings of affection, fondness and adoration; escaping every laughs, giggle and smiles that we’ve shared. It’s terrifying to know how all your hard work would come crumbling down because of one sole person.
I ought to confess, that although every day spent with you was memorable, the day you reciprocated my love was beyond doubt the most unforgettable.
Honesty, I’ve never been afraid to be honest especially with myself. Therefore I know exactly how I find myself; ordinary, standard, nothing special but just like how you can liberate all my bottled up feelings, you can also make me feel so appreciated and loved. I’ve learned by heart what you precisely told me that day...
“Can I say something?” You asked with confidence although I can sense the hesitation in your melodic voice.
“Yeah, well your saying something now, aren’t you?” I retorted playfully.
“Don’t get freaked out, okay...?” You looked at me; I responded with a simple nod, urging you to carry on, which you did.
“I felt in love with you, you and your soft honey blond hair, captivating feline eyes, cute button nose, pink cupids bow lips and your smile. God, your smile its so bright and radiant that sometimes I can't help myself, but to be hypnotized by them..."
"Finally, it feels so liberating to let that all out you don’t know how long I’ve been keeping that inside. God I can finally breathe again,”
You were saying that while you were walking in front of me with your hands crossed-crossed behind your head, you turned around to see how I had reacted, you were faced with my colourless face, slightly open mouth, wide-eyed and hardly breathing reaction. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it as fast as it opened; I gulped and began to laugh hysterically.
“Oh my God, Seriously Jay, I thought it was something important then, you got me all worried,” I said while trying to form coherent words through my laughter. Now it was as if our reactions have switched because all I can see was your clearly shocked and confused expression.
“What?” I said as casually as I can in this awkward situation.
“Didn’t you hear me? Weren’t you listening to every word I just said? ”You questioned me.
“I heard it loud and clear but I don’t believe it, like are you seriously expecting me to believe that?” I answered.
“Well you should because it’s true, I really love you, Jennie” You countered with sincerity lingering in every word.
“Explain to me how can I, when there’s you being all mister perfect and me the ugly nobody that always gets laughed at. Don’t you ever notice how your friends would laugh like some hyenas when they see you with me? Huh? Don’t you? Or maybe somehow you lost all your intelligence; don’t you know how you being with me can practically ruin you? ” I said, while you cupped my chin with your hands and wiped my already tear stained face before enveloping me into your tender welcoming embrace.
“Do you really think that I care on what other people think, huh Jennie? I want to experience happiness and I can only experience that with you, you have to get into the pretty little head of yours that it doesn’t matter what people think. Plus, I think I might have to get a new set of friends because if they can’t accept you and me being together, then they weren’t really my friends to start with,” You comforted me, making me fall deeply in love with you; perfect, You really are perfect.
“Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind, remember that okay? You’re not an ugly nobody” You whispered before lightly kissing my forehead as I nodded to your request.