26th March, 2010

26th March, 2010

A Poem by Ishan Sadwelkar
"

I wrote this on my eighteenth birthday.

"

 

Today’s the day I came into this world

A raw excuse waiting to be distributed as an epic

 

It was in a bright afternoon, eighteen years ago

The world adopted me with blind prospects of living

 

A new summer exploded around my fresh mind back then

But today the seasons seem to change only according to taste

 

I’m eighteen today and still trying to understand

The meaning of the lines which continue to grow beyond my palm

 

Someday when this poem will turn eighteen

Life will be devoid of calendars, birthdays and deaths

 

Because we all will soon be lost in the forest of possibilities

Forgotten by the darker depths of the reality we hid in the roots of our past

 

Since each of us born on a man-made occasion

Purposely made to overshadow the meaning of routine


© 2010 Ishan Sadwelkar



WHAT AM I?: Nephilim WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
A teen boy gets killed, but trades his soul for another chance. He changes. A girl notices the new boy with silver eyes.

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I agree with Mike on this one, I don't see why you wrote it this way. Couplets are almost exclusively used when they rhyme, which yours don't, and when they contain ideas among themselves, which yours don't. You could easily have made this one stanza, or two; it's not so long that it needs breaks that frequent.

And maybe my math is wrong, but the poem will be eighteen when you're thirty-six. Unless we hit nuclear war, I think we'll still have calendars birthdays and deaths. That stanza is a touch weird.

It's an interesting look at life, if a little out there, but I'm left more puzzled by your form than your content.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like it, keep writing. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Unless a person truly understands the significant of 'birth day', he will feel meaningless to even have a birthday. But by the way, happy belated birthday to you. Whether human is getting older or younger or never aged at all, we are still born into this world and that is a fact, and we still have a life to live. Be grateful.

Good expression of a 'birthday' poem.


Posted 7 Years Ago


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EMW
I like this.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Very insightful, and poignant... well done!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Nice poem….
Very philosophical…..
Truthful lines….



Posted 7 Years Ago


This is good... :D You show that there was a definite turning point, or turning points in life. Great work! :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


I agree with Mike on this one, I don't see why you wrote it this way. Couplets are almost exclusively used when they rhyme, which yours don't, and when they contain ideas among themselves, which yours don't. You could easily have made this one stanza, or two; it's not so long that it needs breaks that frequent.

And maybe my math is wrong, but the poem will be eighteen when you're thirty-six. Unless we hit nuclear war, I think we'll still have calendars birthdays and deaths. That stanza is a touch weird.

It's an interesting look at life, if a little out there, but I'm left more puzzled by your form than your content.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A wise poem with wise words.. reminding me of Let It Be.. speaking words of wisdom let it be...
Eighteen is a young age to feel so 'stale' ..

Someday when this poem will turn eighteen

Life will be devoid of calendars, birthdays and deaths



Because we all will soon be lost in the forest of possibilities

Forgotten by the darker depths of the reality we hid in the roots of our past



Since each of us born on a man-made occasion

Purposely made to overshadow the meaning of routine

Yes, our lives do become routine so often .. but there is always tomorrow if we are lucky .. who knows what is around the corner?
Is that all there is to life? I don't think so .. a poem of wonder.. making me think.

Chloe

Posted 7 Years Ago


Through this poem to me it dispays your indifferent opinion towards the world or perhaps you have lost interest, maybe you are lost yourself, but nothing is lost that can be found , you see?

Posted 7 Years Ago


What a great birthday poem full of deep thoughts and wisdom. I hope that life never loses it's freshness for you, and I hope every summer brings new meanings. I feel a darkness in your poem that to me feels like with age we lose our energy for life, I feel the darkness of age enveloping me in your poem...it doesn't have to be that way...although I do feel that one has to fight to keep the energy, that if one follows and does what one is expected to do one loses the desire to see each day with new eyes and thus loses excitement for life. Your poem reminds me to treat each day as a new young day full of possibilities. What a great poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on May 25, 2010
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Author

Ishan Sadwelkar
Ishan Sadwelkar

Pune, Maharashtra, India



About
>Says Tuka- "The world belongs to no one in particular" >"Even blindness has holes one can see through" -Dilip Chitre >"The hardest part of letting go, is saying goodbye" -David Mustaine >.. more..

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