Storm Thang

Self Control.... is on God sometimes

 

 

Baby ...

Come on in outta the storm

lets kill this

turbulence thing

The humidity's been drowning me

and I can't swim

...alone

 

Those lips

could clear the atmosphere

and more

Your fingertips dance heavens clouds

down my torso

Makes me

want you... more so

 

We wind up all...legs..and thighs

damp hair and... sighs

Makes the temperature ..rise

in the air ...that moves between us

 

Cool sheets feelin' cheated

elements defeated

in thisssss...HEAT

 

Self-control ...depleated

inner-man tryin' to beat it

have to keep this

right with God

You deny your flesh

callin'

it a night for God

 

 

Blessssssssssssssss

 

 

 

 

 

© 2007 J.Hampton [email protected]

 

 

Reviews

[J. E. Barry]

very nice. although simple, you have some nice imagry in this piece.

We wind up �all arms
And thighs.
Damp hair and sighs.
Makes the temperature rise�..
In the air �.that moves
Between us.

this was an interesting stanza, made me think of the britney spear's perfume commercial...excellent use of imagry and description here..definately created a torrid image for me. keep it up!

(thanks again for the review of Janjaweed.)

[Blackbirdsong]

Your poetic voice in this is quite strong...in fact while reading it it felt like spoken word to me. There is a pulse in this writing that just keeps beating through this giving it this wonderful rush of rhythms and sounds...almost like you've created the sense of the storm with all of its thunderous sound and fury.

[Erotic Goddess]

Cool sheets feelin' cheated

elements defeated

in thisssss...HEAT

This was really sexy and I really enjoyed this piece. You did a great job putting this together and I loved reading it. Sorry it took me so long to get to it, I have been a bit behind. :) Thanks for sharing hon.

~Stephanie

[Emily B]

oh, my, yes. Something about the power of a storm to get the pulses racing. Electricity, I suppose. I like the way this moves along sultry but with a strong racy beat.

[~ Tex]

Oh yeah... now I'm feeling it even more!

[~ Tex]

I like.

I think I'd take each last line of each stanza and paragraph space them... more so for reading effect.

I like the feel of the pregnant pause that such a change makes... makes the lines more dramatic... more accentuated.

"In the air... that moves....

Between us."

I don't know... just like the way it reads that way and that's what I'd do to force the mind of the reader to read it, speak it, hear it that way.

Kewl work!

[M J Moore]

Another one that's just terrific from you. Loved how you combine the 'elements' with this! Great. I love storm, haha! Beautiful!

[Mr. Deft Diction]

This is niiiiice....you got that vibe...

[Ashly Christen]

ooo
this is hot
i like it
nicely done
made me think of the song
raining on sunday by the wonderful keith urban
:)
♥