Beautifully and Intentionally

Tragic, and beautiful.

A last breath escaped, a final goodbye;
A twinge in my heart; pain I could not deny.
Weak, narrowed eyes are all that was left,
searching for release, into my soul with extraordinary depth.
I grovel and beg wishing to take your place,
suffering would end, I'd be your saving grace.
My soul cannot bear it you insist that I must,
you force me to promise in you I must trust.
You wither in final moments of pain;
I beg to help; my voice just a strain.
Through final tears you make your last wish,
"Promise to love again, you deserve much more than this".
I lose control and grasp at your face,
now knowing, with the Lord, you've taken your place.
I lay my head upon your chest;
no breath, no touch, just emptiness.
My love, you've left and have taken my soul,
this crippling pain, which way do I go?
A breeze then passes, full of love, warmth and beauty,
"Keeping my memory alive is now your duty".
It's now been forever, the pain has gone numb,
I live by your wishes, what else could I've done?
A fateful night passes the pain I cannot bear,
wishing it to pass, no longer wanting to be here.
Flashes fill my mind, my old life, surely,
I gasp as I'm welcomed with "My love, you're early".
What had gone wrong; why has my life ended?
"You're grief was too great, no dues are indebted".
Reuniting as my soul is completely mended,
Goodbye's are forbidden, eternal life and love, all along, intended.

Author's Note

I'm not too sure about this one. It took me a little while to gather my thoughts, correctly, in order to write this. Meh, let me know what you think. Honestly.

Side note: The lines written in Italics, are the ones being spoken by the individuals love whom has passed, physically, but not spiritually. (Don't know if everyone was noticing that or not)

Reviews

[Rose Masen]

@ Jeff- Thank you, love.

[Jeff]

Very descriptive. It caught my attention on the first line.

[Rose Masen]

@ H. Morric- Thank you very much for your suggestions.

[MC Blodeuwedd]

I honestly think it is good. touching. The broken phrases, all with commas (just like that) throw me a little as I read it. I think some of the commas are not necessary, such as "You wither in final, moments of pain" Breaks apart final and moments..not really two separate thoughts. Otherwise, the artistry behind the poem is quite beautiful!

[Rose Masen]

Ooo. My typo's! Sorry about that. Thank you, though, for the review, love.:)

[Gerhardus Retief]

Maybe change "force to me to promise" to "force me to promise
"Gasp" to "gasp"
Beautiful imaging and descriptive not to mention the rhyming liked it.