You and Me

A Story by JEngele

A brief insight into a non traditional relationship, and the hardships that accompany them.

Lennon arrived home late. She'd been living at the station, her office, for almost an entire week. Part of her had been hoping... but it was vastly apparent that the house was currently not lived in. She kicked the newspapers out of the way with one heeled foot and slammed the key into the lock with almost enough force to snap it in half. The key, meaning. Though, given enough anger, she would have likely been able to break the lock, too.

She was given a rare insight into what her life would be like were she not married, and for a few terrible moments she considered if she still was. The door was closed behind Lennon, she leaned heavily on it with one shoulder before slipping off her heels and proceeding down the main hallway. Everything was exactly where they had left it that night. Her nose crinkled in distaste and she went about setting the dishwasher. It was rumbling quietly by the time she started towards the bedroom.

It had been Lennon's intent to grab a bag of clothes and leave. At this rate, she'd probably find an apartment... What would happen to the house hadn't crossed her mind. It would have to be sold, eventually. Maybe. She chickened out and detoured, finding her way to the rec room instead. There was one at the station, but she felt an intense need to hit something. Adam wasn't here, so a punching bag would have to do.

They had met at a private school, he a few years her senior. Both had liked to run early in the morning. Running had turned into racing; eventually they discovered a mutual interest in boxing... and somehow they wound up spending more time with each other than with anyone else. That had been well over a decade now, hadn't it? They’d never been particularly carefree back then, either. Lennon imagined Adam's face as her fist connected with the punching bag. It somehow relaxed her, since there wasn't any way she could say what needed to be said. Not to him. Not to herself.

That was always how it had been. Lennon and Adam were both quite stubborn, but in different ways. Lennon would have convinced herself, long ago, that they weren't worth each other's time. Clearly they weren't interested in the same things... Adam had always been so adamant about their relationship. He wasn't supposed to give up on her, not after so much time had passed.

Lennon remembered, quite clearly, all the times she had walked out in the past. There was one particular argument that rang out. It was before they had decided to get married. Before she had been convinced it was what he wanted. Their relationship had never been concrete, both were busy as adults but they always found their way to each other. Adam had wanted more, eventually, something solid. Domestic, even. He had asked her to change. She hadn't. 'Why should I have to change for you?'

That had been his worst. Adam had said so himself. Lennon had never been one to hold a grudge. She liked things gritty. He had been forgiven almost instantly. That was when he'd known, for sure, that he needed to spend the rest of his life with her. Their relationship was all ups and downs. It wasn't conventional... but it worked. They made it work. Lennon could never have anticipated a situation that left them more numb than angry. Neither had known what to do with something like that.

Adam had wanted a family and she had, eventually, agreed to try. Lennon had not wanted to take any long hiatus from her job, she enjoyed her work in a way that few people can claim to. Her pregnancy was short lived. Lennon didn't know what had caused the miscarriage. The doctor had told her it wasn't anything she could have helped, but maybe if she hadn't insisted on working a job that was both physically and mentally strenuous... Adam had been so quiet after that. She couldn't stand it. They'd fought, and she'd walked out.

Now he was gone.

Lennon was tired of her melancholy. The sweat was swiped deliberately from her brow and with enough force that the droplets were flung from the back of her arm and onto the floor. In the bedroom at last, thoroughly ignoring anything that belonged to him, she began to angrily shove things into a sports bag. Clothing, mostly. It wasn't as though she would be able to bring any furniture along with her. Any pictures of them, and those were few and far between, were left in their respective places. One of her colleagues had offered his couch. Lennon had a feeling like he had meant more than that, and hell, maybe she'd take him up on both offers.

The bed was made before she exited the room, a quick check over her shoulder assured her that everything was as it should be. Almost everything. Their wedding rings sat in a box on top of the dresser. Lennon stared at them for a long moment, she couldn't remember if Adam had been wearing his that night. Or if he had taken it off sometime in the following week.

Neither wore wedding rings, not for any great length. Adam tended to lose his while touring and Lennon found hers to be more of a liability. As a detective she had a tendency to make enemies. It went without saying that she would not forgive herself if Adam got hurt because of her. Their relationship had never been particularly affectionate; not as you would expect from a couple. Adam could count the number of times they had exchanges ‘I love you’s on both hands. Lennon had always said words were cheap, and she had instead proven her love to him time and again.

The door was closed and she left her bag at the bottom of the stairs. The dishwasher had finished and Lennon took the time to put everything away. She wasn't sure why she bothered. It wasn't as though he would come back while she was here. Did she want that?

The cupboard was slammed shut and Lennon angrily grabbed for her bag. Why should she wait around for him like a lost child? She had spent the last week in mourning, nothing had felt right inside her since initially having gotten pregnant. In fact, she wondered if she would ever feel normal again. Any regular person would have likely taken the time off work. Lennon had welcomed the distraction, although her state of mind made her far too frivolous to be allowed on the field. Not that he cared about any of it.

Adam probably hated her. Blamed her. This was her fault. Lennon collapsed onto the bag, head landing heavily in her hands. She breathed deeply, wishing she wasn't so upset. Blaming him for it. Hating him, to an extent. One arm wrapped around her stomach and then the other, holding tightly and hating herself.

She had wanted a child, too. The fact that Lennon had needed convincing did not, in any way, make it any less her decision. That child that had been ripped from her womb a few months after having been conceived. Blood had never terrified her so completely before. Yet he had been the one to close himself off from the world. What justice was there in that?

"Hey," Adam's voice greeted her, tone restrained in that way she hated. The silence between them was palpable. Lennon straightened and turned to face her husband. He was waiting for her to react so that he would know where they were. Lennon always worked to force the worst out of him. Perhaps he did the same of her. Ice was on her tongue but his gaunt appearance stilled her words, and replaced them with new ones, "You look like s**t."

He grinned in that stupid way and Lennon felt her anger and fear dissipate. "Yea," Adam agreed, "I missed..." Lennon pulled him into a kiss before the sentence could be finished.