Ashes Form a Man

You know how some writers have that piece they wrote in their teens that stands far above all the other angsty teenage works? This is mine. Note: previously published on my old writer's cafe account.

I'm off for hell tomorrow boys,

Can't say if I'll return.

So hold me close to heart and soul,

And stay warm while I burn.

Eighteen carefree years ago,

Right up to the day;

This world was born for us boys,

And it was ours to play.

Do you remember all those years,

We thought that we were men?

But as they now draw to a close,

We are but boys again.

Do you remember songs we sung,

On magic summer nights?

When fireflies and starry skies,

Were our only lights?

Well now this world's no longer ours,

It plays these games no more.

Battles which were just for fun,

Are now a full grown war.

Now this world expects us,

To fight along and kill,

The men who put peace in our hearts,

And gave our lives their will.

I'm off for hell tomorrow boys,

I'll fight with all I can.

But when boyhood dreams are burned in hell,

Their ashes form a man.

So even if I make it back,

I'll be among the men.

Who are yearning, ever yearning;

To be a boy again.

So come on boys, before I go,

Let's sing us one more song.

Grant this, boyhood's dying wish,

In hope, through hell, he may live on.

Author's Note

Over the years, this piece has become a symbol of my late teenage years. Written in 2009. Note: previously published on my old writer's cafe account.

Reviews

[Geon Quuin]

Like Lythe had written, it is always refreshing to read a poem that has a decent understanding and use of metre. The Rhyming scheme was done very nicely and it has the ongoing flow that I always sought for in a good poem. The message is quite subtle and somewhat vague, but if you read through the stanzas it becomes as clear as day. Write on! Read on!

[KAOlmsted]

This is an interesting piece that captures a sentiment few people who have never experienced it can (assuming, by your profile, you did not actually join the military...but if you did, good on ya) I really liked the fifth stanza, where the title comes in. It really brings the piece home. Well done.

-kimmer

[Tate Morgan]

Now I remember you I liked this piece and over the years i still remember it

[J.L. McGrael]

Yeah, haha, this piece was pretty popular when I posted it last time.

[Steelwine]

Always refreshing to find someone with a good ear for meter.

The rhyming was very well done. Not obvious enough to be over-the-top playful but still able to emphasize the repetition in other places.

Only thing I noticed was that the last two stanzas kinda say the same thing. If you ever go back and revise this, you might consider deleting one or maybe merging the two.

[J.L. McGrael]

Yeah, the last two stanzas do say kind of the same thing, you're right. At the time I wrote it, I meant the last stanza to say the same thing but to bring it down to earth and sort of ask for help from the speaker's friends. If I wrote the poem now, I would probably do that in a single line, but I don't think I can bring myself to go back and revise this piece, haha.