Deadline

In this forest

In its darkness

By the tree with a gun to his head

feigning and pretending

Thinking he no longer has a heart

He was dainty and fragile

Yet

Frozen and numb

Remembering when a drive-by bullet took away his friend

And now somehow he's shattered crushed and damaged

And even more broken

With a finger on the trigger, he pulls his gun to his heads side

A gun loaded with bullets of goodbyes

Seeing himself as the enemy pointing the gun with a deadline

Trembling

Sweating

While holding her wrist across her chest 

Suddenly

She wakes and gets up longing

As the memories flashes before her eyes 

She was dainty and fragile

Yet

Frozen and numb

Remembering when a blade took away her friend 

And now somehow she's shattered crushed and damaged

And even more broken

With a finger on top of a syringe driving it closer to her veins side

A syringe full of poison full of goodbyes

Seeing her self as the enemy pointing the syringe with a deadline

With every fight with himself, he's choosing

In every battle, he falls defeated and losing

In a war where his own enemy is not far behind

With every promise and truth, she has broken 

In every untruths and lie's, she has spoken

In a war where her own enemy is not far behind

They're fighting a losing battle

They're in a war that none of them are victors

They can hardly keep on going in a war where they're barely fighting

Both are fighting their own battles to be free from their past of regret and guilt

Their every thought is a battle

Their every breath is a war

They're truly in a place where they don't belong

Does anything make any sense to them anymore?

Author's Note

My cover of a song originally written by C. Bennington

Reviews

[JYOTHISHAJAYAKUMAR]

rightly you wrote....Nothing makes sense at the end of the day....

[Joey Nizz]

Yeah it sure doesn't right?

Thank you for your review :)

[Jes' Pi]

Howdy! Howdy!
Long, long time, no see!

I like the fact that you approached a different topic and a different style than you usually do. The poem has an alluring element, but an element that tumbles me back to reality. A very puzzling and playful mixture, I can say! It drowns me but lets me breathe. I recommend you to experience other branches of poetry, just like you did now, for this action will develop you as a well-carved poet.

I don't have anything to say about grammar mistakes, fortunately!

Let's talk about some words that influence your poem!
"feigning and pretending"
"Frozen and numb"
Those two words have a similar meaning. I recommend you to replace one of the words, from each pair, because, to me (because it is all an opinion) it sounds "inflowing".

Of course, there are also other elements you should replace, but you will realize that after you will explore many other..." essences".

Concluding, I felt really felicitous to see that you explore and that you work for your evolution. Continue just like that!


Until next time...

Farewell!

[Joey Nizz]

Hey J!
Thank you for your honest review, I like to change my style every now and then, I dont like to stick to only one.
And about the mistakes, "feigning and pretending" I meant it as nervous and pretending, frozen and numb, without words and unable to to move. I guess different people have a different way when they look at the picture.

Thanks again J, meant a lot that you took the time for this ^^

[Jes' Pi]

I understand!
You're very welcome, Joey!

[lessa (kenzie)]

Wow, such detail and imagery, I can feel a certain struggle in this. Very well written

[Joey Nizz]

Thanks Alex, I appreciate your review ad feedback :)

[Katelyn Kennedy]

When I read your writing I always feel so vulnerable and your descriptive capabilities never fail to beautifully capture real struggle. Keep it up

[Joey Nizz]

I always want to show the readers how other people or how they feel and that I understand and that their not alone, even I if i cant physically be there to help them out, maybe my words can.

Thank you for your Review :)

[Najam Us Saher]

I always mention how you inspire and spread positivity, by writing this you have proven that you understand the battle you fight, conquer the demons inside and emerge stronger and share the lesson with everyone of us. You are a wonderful person I can say by reading your works which are full of concern for others :)

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for you review and understanding, not many understand what they read but you have, and thats what I admire about you, your an excellent reader and a better writer :)

[Najam Us Saher]

Your words touched me. Thank you very much for such observation about me. Much appreciated☺

[Joey Nizz]

hehe your welcome my friend ^^

[Priyanshi]

Their every thought is a battle
Their every breath is a war;'
these lines touched my heart.
i feel i could write poems like that....
good effort:)

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for the review Priyanshi, I look forward to read them once you do :)