Chapter One

Chapter One

 

 “Catherine?” The beautiful blonde whispered, tugging at the stray hair that fell upon her flawless cheeks. It was becoming a problem ever since her parents forced her to visit the hairdresser, an activity she hated the most. They seemed to listen to anything but what you wanted. She felt the cool air send shivers down her exposed body as her non-living friend appeared before her eyes. A sigh of relief escaped her lips, and a smile entered the ghosts face.

“It is I, Jessie.” Catherine smiled, quiet pleased to finally have a friend after years of wandering this world alone, in fact she had become quite fond of her living friend so much so that she found herself interacting with her quite regularly. Although this time Jessie did not reciprocate her friendliness.

“What are you doing here?” She asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice, Catherine was startled she had not experienced this side of Jessie before. Instantly thoughts of confusion and self-accusation circled the dead girl’s brain.

“W-w-what is it I have done miss Jessie?” her brow crinkled from the heavy thinking. Jessie stared at her in disbelief. She had completely forgotten about the generation gap between them.

“I’m at a party Cath, a high school party you can’t just turn up here uninvited.” She scoffed checking to see if anyone had followed her up the staircase. Not that anyone would notice she was talking to an invisible friend, she was certain that they would conclude that she was just too drunk to notice that nobody was listening, so was more annoyed that she had turned up on this particular night, the night that Brad Cooper was finally going to notice her. But he couldn’t notice her if she was up -stairs talking to a ghost!

“It’s not as though anyone can see me Jessie, you’re the only one that can complain.” Catherine pointed out oblivious to the importance this night had for Jessie.

“Go home Catherine, we can talk about it later.” The ghost girl looked disappointed, and Jessie didn’t know what to do about it and there probably wasn’t much she could do. She knew Catherine would be sitting on her bed when she came home, Jessie was her only friend she wasn’t about to lose her only friend over something like this.

“I shall be waiting for you when the clock strikes 1.” Catherine promised while Jessie watched her shoot out the window and into the night. She promised herself that she’d say sorry to her as soon as she made it home, but for now she’d have to concentrate on finding Brad.

 

***

Reviews

[Tala]

"Jessie didn’t know what to do about it and there probably wasn’t much she could do." the and makes it a bit cumbersome, maybe change it to "Jessie didn't know what she could do, there probably wasn't anything." or something similar.
Now I'm noticing it I see you're trying to make Catherine talk quite formally, presumably because she's from a different decade/century. Still, you seem to be adding bits in in odd places then having her informal in different places. For example:
"It is I, Jessie.” is just really a strange sentence. Maybe removing "Jessie" would make a difference or change it to "I am here." or something.
"I shall be waiting for you when the clock strikes 1." to something like "I will be expecting you at one." or something.
Also if that is what you're doing then this bit “It’s not as though anyone can see me Jessie, you’re the only one that can complain.” is a bit too informal so maybe add in some fancy words here and there.
I really am liking where this is going, the idea of Jessie having a child aged ghost trailing around with her is sure to make for an interesting story, really imaginative.

[Rhea]

I enjoyed this chapter... and it makes me look forward to the others as well! the ending makes me hungry for more (lol :P) loved it!

[Pencrafter]

Your story easily paints some clear mental images. However, the dialogue between the two characters is a little puzzling and difficult to follow. I'm not sure what you could do, perhaps rearrange some words or add identity names before some of the dialogue. Overall, you do a good job of writing from an active imagination. Personally, I usually stay away from subject matter relating to ghosts, spiritism, immorality or graphic violence; And I know that's pretty restrictive in most people's view.

[SuicidePact.]

I don't believe in ghosts I just think they are interesting in a fictional teenage storyline like this. :) so yeah I am with you on your subjects to avoid!

[KennaLovesJake]

I like this so far! I really do, and I can't wait to see how it turns out. I have to say, there were quite a few run on sentences. There weren't that many grammatical mistakes, but there were some. The story did capture my attention, but a few times, I think it let go of my attention. It was really good, though, and if it did let go, it'd get my attention back within the next couple of lines.
There were some places where you did put a little extra information that we didn't need to know, but there still weren't too many places, so that's good.
Your writing style is also very unique, but what I love the most is the thought of a girl who can speak, touch, and talk to ghosts. It was rather intriguing, and I really would like to see where this story goes if you plan to write more!
Best of luck!
-K

[Hugo]

I like the general idea of a girl who can see ghosts; it's very intriguing, and leaves one quite a bit to think about. Besides just the fact that it's a good idea, this is very well written, and definitely a story worth reading.

[SuicidePact.]

Thank you :)

[MOON]

Good write.

[olla]

this is not really my genre but you have done a good job so far.. keep writing..

[SuicidePact.]

Mine either, just trying something new!

[olla]

it is good to try new things.. you never know when you may find just the right niche...

[Mockingbird]

so unusual for her to receive her new friend so coldly. she just thinks about herself. she knows' she's hurting catherine's feelings.

[GunMetal]

There are many punctuation errors in this. Mostly just missing or misplaced commas. Beware of comma splices. Also, in this sentence, "Catherine smiled, quiet pleased," I think you meant "quite."

You're building your character's personalities well. Keep it up.

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this too - maybe ghost`s face would be better punctuation.

[SuicidePact.]

where is this talking about? :)