The Celebration

It's a raining on the island, Tera is sitting alone in the towns most respectable resteraunt, casually checking his watch waiting for his wife to meet him there. Checking his phone one more time, in case he missed her call, before he gets the chance to look up, there's this noise as Kaetalita rushes into the seat opposite him, at there table.

'Baby, I'm sorry I'm late' she says, taking a sip from his wine glass, and then casually throws her bag under the table, which lands on Tera's foot.

'What have you got in there ouch!'

'You do know it's rude to ask a woman about the contents of her bag' she smiles at him, to show him that she's only joking.

A waiter takes their order, and the pair sit there and talk,

'So, what's the occasion, why are we here tonight in this restaurant?' Kaetalita asks her husband suspiciously.

'You want to know now really? Alright Well, baby I did it! I got into the pro surfing circuit'

"BABY, Good job! OH MY! My husbands a pro surfer!' kaetalita practically screams to the whole resteraunt.

 

The two share a romantic dinner, and after two hours they finally leave, they came in seperate cars, although the weather is getting worse and they decide to go home in Tera's car. once inside his fairly new vehicle, Kaetalita leans over and kisses him pasionately, Tera kisses her back, she climbs atop of him as he reclines his chair back.

"mmm, kat baby, maybe we should finish this at home, that creepy man outside is staring at us' Tera whispers.

''Oh my Gosh, He is too' she jumps back into her own seat and Tera starts the car.

'I still can't believe your going on tour next summer, i'm so proud of you.' Kaetalita says in between  mouthfuls of chocolate.

Its bucketing down rain which makes it extremely hard for any driver to see out of their windscreens.

'I'm glad we left your car back there, I'd be so worried if you'd been driving by yourself in this weather' Tera is very protective of his wife, always has been ever since she first agreed to go on their first date, back when they were only 15.

'You just love my company' Kaetalita jokes.

'Man this is terrible weather, I can hardly see where I'm going, if i didn't know this town like the back of my hand, We'd probably end up in the ocean'

'Tera, i love you' Kaetalita randomly declares, and Tera takes his eyes off the road to look at his wife, his beautiful wife,

'I love you too' he whispers, and that's all he remembers, the rest is blank.

Reviews

[Abram Walker]

I think this is a great beginning! I can tell this was originally a screenplay by your descriptions of the scenery and the characters actions. Great ending though. I think a cliffhanger in the first chapter is great way to get readers to want to read more! Looking forward to reading the rest. I am no way an expert at spelling or grammatical errors, so I'm not sure what to look for. I would agree that a quick spell/grammar check would suffice, but overall great first chapter!

[Taylor H.]

It's a raining on the island, ----island;

most respectable resteraunt----restaurant,

Kaetalita rushes into the seat opposite him, at there table---their

practically screams to the whole resteraunt-----restaurant

they came in seperate cars----separate

once inside his fairly new vehicle----Once

Kaetalita leans over and kisses him pasionately,-----passionately


your going on tour next summer, i'm so proud of you.' Kaetalita says in between mouthfuls of chocolate.----'I still can't believe you’re going on tour next summer, I’m so proud of you.' Kaetalita says in between mouthfuls of chocolate


I agree with Abram Walker's review. I feel it needs less telling and more showing though. Like when you said you killed him passionately instead of telling us you did this why not show us. Just some advice. Great start.

[quixotic_rose]

i know im going to cry. i can feel it coming on. but on the other hand is a very lovely beginning. im hooking in, and yes it would make an awesome screenplay thats for sure, or keep it this way and novelize it?

[mariah]

hey nice start! i will read more right away
-mariah

[Morrigan Nicole]

okay, i really like it. i found it very ammusing and humorous.

[SlightlyOdd]

Awwwwwwwww so cute this was great

[patricia]

A nice beginning, that in my opinion needs a grander beginning, something to reel the reader in and grab interest right away, it need only be a line or two, the reason I am saying this, is because I have this idea that if wanted to get it published, then you would only have a short amount of time to show this was going to be a great story. Besides that...This is perfect, dont worry about grammar etc yet, it isnt your way or mine, just get it all down. Thanks.

[5minutesofcrazy]

I love your writting style, it seems as if it just flows.

[Amila Jay]

Interesting chapter and I like the way you have described the relationship between the couple, a good read.

[fireblossom]

You have the makings of an interesting story. I am interested in the characters and their relationship. I wonder where it will go from here. However, this story is far from ready. It needs to be edited for grammar, spelling and clarity.

A writing teacher once told me that the first draft is the inspiration on paper. It's the scene in rough...one doesn't worry about spelling, punctuation or grammar during that first draft. Once on paper the editing process shapes and polishes the story into shape. Phrases are changed and clarified, punctuation and spelling is addressed. Each word and phrase must shine. If a sentence doesn't add to the story it is cut. etc. I've learned to put a draft away for a day or two. That way I can approach it with fresh eyes as if I am reading something someone else wrote. That's the only way we can be tough and hard on the piece.

This may be the second or third draft but more must be done to sharpen and clarify things.

Again there is a story here. Perhaps a really good story. If you want to publish this you must make it shine like a diamond.