Suddenly I felt ugly.A Chapter by SuicidePact.
After breakfast I left the boys to clean up the dishes, after all technically I didn’t live there yet. I escaped to have a shower, when I had removed all of my clothes, I couldn’t help but notice my reflection. I looked at myself in Lou’s full length mirror, I wasn’t yet showing but I couldn’t help but feel fat. I tried looking at myself from different angles, but I still felt disgusted by my body. My skin was too tanned, my stomach looked like I had eaten too much, my face was a mess and my stupid blonde hair was so horrible. Tears welled up in my blue eyes, making my whole face go red. I remember wanting to hurt myself, wanting to punish myself for looking so blooming hideous. Lou doesn’t deserve to have a girl who looked like this, he deserved a supermodel.
I stepped into the running shower, and tried to wash away my tears, along with the shampoo going down the drain, I wanted the warm water to rinse away my pain. I needed to be strong for Lou; I needed to be strong for my baby, and for Liam, Harry, Niall and Zayn.
When I was satisfied that i no longer looked upset, I dried my hair with the hairdryer, and re-applied my make-up. I was wearing only a towel when Lou knocked on the bathroom door.
“Come in.” I instructed him; the door squeaked as it opened, my man walked in, still only wearing his boxers.
“Dishes are done.” He bowed, as if making a joke about me being demanding, tears started to come back, I could feel my whole body shake as I started to cry again.
“Hey, no babe I’m sorry, it was a joke.” He rushed to my side, holding me in his arms, as I continued to cry.
“Please don’t cry” he kissed my forehead, and started to hum, in a way it was comforting, I was imagining him doing the same to our child.
“I love you” he said looking me straight in the eye, before wiping away my tears with the edge of his finger. I nodded and hugged him tightly.
He helped me dress myself, and I waited for him to shower. I could hear him singing in there while I was waiting on his bed; he has an amazing voice, when he’s recording in the studio, on stage or even into his shower head.
“Nice singing!” Liam shouted through the wall, I could hear him and Harry laughing, they always laughed at Lou for singing in the shower.
It was silent for a little while, the water was no longer running, I could only hear the hum on the television in the other room, and the sounds of my own thoughts, a cold hand reached out to touch my face, I turned around to see the face I was never disappointed to see.
“You’re Beautiful.” He told me, before scooping me up and taking me out to where the guys were.
“I thought you weren’t meant to do that until the wedding night.” Liam nodded to the way Lou was carrying me through the door way.
“Haven’t you noticed that we always do things backward.” Said Louis, referring to how we’re having a baby before marriage anyway. Which made me start to think about marriage, will I ever get married? Is that even what Louis wants? We hadn’t really talked about it before, but I liked the sound of it, I wanted to me Mrs Louis Tomlinson and have little Louis’ and Louise’s running around. It seemed like the perfect dream. Maybe one day I will get my wish.
“So what are the plans for today? You guys have band stuff on?’ I asked them, not really caring which one answered me.
“I don’t know Liam’s the one that keeps track” Harry admitted, looking embarrassed.
“We don’t have anything until tomorrow, there’s a signing on in the afternoon.” Liam answered.
“Aw you guys are so nice to your fans.” I gushed, grabbing onto Harry’s cheeks, just like old women like to do to children.
“What about you Love?” Lou asked me.
“There is a launch party tomorrow night for the newest season of the show” Yes in case I haven’t previously mentioned, I am an actress, and yes I do have my own television show.
“Am I invited?” Harry asked, his cheeks still in my grip, I let go off him before answering.
“Yeah of course you all are. The press love you guys” I winked letting them know that they would have been invited even if that wasn’t the case.
“Do I get to dress up?” Harry asked me.
“Indeed you do, Mel is sending over your clothes later today.”
© 2012 SuicidePact.
Added on May 21, 2012
Last Updated on May 21, 2012
Not telling!, SecretVille., Australia
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