Where the story starts

Panic shot down the veins in my bruised body. I didn’t know where I was, or how I got there. The darkness  I feared the most. I could feel something was digging into my sides, a strap of some kind, that wouldn’t budge as I clumsily tried to remove it. I couldn’t even open my eyes; they seemed to be stuck together, what the hell had happened to me? Was this all a nightmare? The pain proved that I was indeed in reality; you don’t feel pain when you’re sleeping, you don’t feel anything that isn’t real.

I reached up my spare hand, to my eyes, my fingers touched the wet stickiness, of the partly dried blood which had seeped down from my sliced scalp, I tried my hardest to remove it from my eyelashes, I wanted to see my surroundings, I wanted to know what had happened. I started to cry, because I was trying to wash away the blood, while at the same time, needing to release my emotions, fear was taking over of my naïve mind, I was scared and I was alone, when I finally pried my eyes open, it all started to make sense. My mind recognised the familiar interior of Brandy’s car, bits and pieces started to make sense, the night before we’d made some mistakes, and now we were paying the price.

*** 

 

“Help!” I started to yell, as soon as I found my voice again, I couldn’t quite reach my seatbelt releaser, and my leg was killing me, jammed underneath the side of the front seat my friend Ariel had been sitting on, I needed assistance, I needed to get out of here, I looked around the car, everything inside had been tossed around, nothing, the doors were all opened except for mine, how could my friends leave me here alone? I wanted to cry again, but I knew that wouldn’t be wise.

“Jaed” a voice startled my thoughts, so I turned to see who had said my name, the voice came from my friend Dex his face was all cut, his arm was wrapped up with one of Brandy’s spare jackets, his junior paramedic skills came in handy after all, my door was ripped open and Dex soon removed my seatbelt, it no longer dug into my body, but I could still feel where it had been. I watched him shove the front seat off of my legs; they didn’t seem to be broken, only my ankle was showing any signs of un natural pain. I wrapped my arms around his good shoulder, and he helped me limp over to where the others were sitting, wrapped in the picnic blanket snuggled up cosily.

“Oh my gosh” Ariel gasped, when she saw I was coming over to them, a large gash on her forehead, probably caused from her head hitting the dashboard, made me gasp even louder.

“We thought you were dead” she cried, rushing over to me, tears started to fall from her pretty brown eyes, she hugged me so tightly, I thought my eyes were going to pop out of their sockets, Brandy couldn’t look me in the eye, his self-blame was hanging in the air.

“That explains why you left me “ I puzzled together, I admit their emergency base camp set up was quite impressive, it seemed they had raided the car boot, and taken out all the picnic rugs, I could see all the food he had just bought for his family, in boxes by the car, I knew we’d have to be careful of the wildlife who’d like the claim it as their own, but at least we had something which was better than nothing.

*** 

~Flashback~

Laughter was all we could hear, as we sped up the mountain, on our way to the lookout, until Ariel turned the stereo right up, the music was loud, but it made me feel happy, Dex and I were in the backseat, he was holding onto my hand, this was our first date, one that we had shared with our best friends. I could hear Brandy joking around as I looked straight into Dex’s blue eyes, he was leaning in to kiss me, I was just about to meet him half way when Ariel squealed, the two of us looked up, wondering what the fuss was about.

“Keep your eyes on the road you naughty boy” she said with a flirty tone, I rolled my eyes, Brandy was always showing off behind the wheel, but most times, he knew exactly what he was doing, he’s one of the safest drivers at our school.

“Gave me a heart attack Ariel” Dex exaggerated by placing a hand over his heart, she giggled, a guilty look on her face as she turned to apologise. I winked at her, and she turned back to the road to give the two of us our moment back.

“Did you see the new top I bought today?” Ariel asked Brandy, he replied that he hadn’t, so she started to fumble with the shopping bags that sat at her feet.

“They should just date already” Dex whispered in my ear, Ariel and Brandy had been hooking up for over a year now, but never took a plunge at dating, it’s not like they ever hooked up with other people, so why weren’t they dating?

“Tell me about it” I answered him, and we both laughing, and sat there watching our friends flirt uncontrollably in the front seats.

Ariel reached her hands up in the air, because she was taking off her shirt, she sat there in just a bra, Brandy automatically took his eyes off the road to stare at her exposed body, she loved the attention of course.

“Come on Ariel, we aren’t even at the top yet” he complained, still unable to keep his eyes on the road, we were well aware of their plan to kick us out of the car when we reached make out haven at the top of the hill.

“Look where you’re going!” Ariel screeched, as the car went straight over the broken railing.

Reviews

[Sethnicity]

story organization is good you could add more atmosphere development at the opening so that the reader actually connects to what the characters are experiencing moment by moment a little better. Let us get into the characters head that's where the magic happens!

[Damijin Spade]

Very creative. Very awesome! Keep up the good work!

[SuicidePact.]

Thanks

[Simbake777]

This is completely awesome, hun! Be sure to keep up the good work!!

Your knack of creating great story imagery, is positively AWESOME SAUCE!!

[SuicidePact.]

Thank you !! This story came to me on a double date that could have gone wrong! my friend was the one in the front seat stripping, and the guy driving was actually more focused on her rather than the road. I was so scared!!

[Trusting]

Holy crap im in love with this story! You should DEFFINATLY place this in a contest:P I'd think you'd win :3

[Bexfinch]

HEY THATS MY NAME LOl nice I think you should keep writing although the begining was sort of grotesque and disturbing ( as in it gave me images like that) But it was good

[Donald Cole]

interesting..... i tried not to read it.....
good job
Don

[Barbara Walker]

Your story hooks the reader right at the beginning. However, you write, "the night before, we'd made some mistakes and now we were paying the price." How long has the wreck been sitting there? It seems you could allude to a time frame more clearly. You have a lot of run on sentences. I have always felt that a writer should have respect for the reader and make their writing, as readable, as possible. Punctuation helps the reader immensely!

[Rhea752]

this is GREAT keep writing

[laura]

I like your story, the description I can't wait to find out what happens next. :) Kudos to the writer.

[JadeForever]

I LOVE how you end with a hooker..:D write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SuicidePact.]

Cliff hangers are my specialty I think I over use them though ahhaha thank you for reading!