The Swift Passing of Life

Contest Entry

 

Prologue

 

 

The world we know is huge, I mean, massive.

But the actual world we exist in, the circles we twirl in, the footsteps we make, the places we go, the city that we live in...

All these are really quite small.

 

A long time ago, a once close friend, my last and only girlfriend infact, said to me:

"Arthur, the world is small. It's so small that I could pick it up in one hand!"

Needless to say, I laughed and thought this complete nonsense, but knowing my girlfriend to be the intellectual sort,  I then asked her:

"How can that be? My hand is barely big enough to hold an apple!"

To which she replied dramatically,

"But surely that apple is the world?!"

 

At the time I didn't understand her, and a knudge, a little niggle at the back of my mind started to grow. It had been there for a while I think. She was beautiful and witty and intelligent, but it was like a brilliant white flame to moth. She eclipsed me. After a short time I had had enough. She was too eccentric, too full of life, too crazy that I could no longer stand the heat. She was too intense, and I have not seen her for a good 20 years now.

 

And yet, even now, I am searching through my old files and blowing away the cobwebs, I am trying to find her telephone number.... because I want to know what she meant.

I want to understand her.

I need to understand her soon because if I don't, I may not ever have the chance.

I have Four Weeks until I die.

 

My name is Arthur Swift.

And I want to start to live.

 

 

Author's Note

revisions made 4/05/08
revisions made 26/03/08

Reviews

[Susan S.]

At first I was taken off guard by the centering but after a while I got into it. It's an excellent prologue with just enough of a taste to draw the reader in and hook 'em good. You're up against some stiff competition, so I would like to make a few suggestions.

The idea of the writer at the typewriter is WAY overdone. It's really clich�. It is my opinion that it weakens the piece. (slight, but there)

The other thing I have hesitations with is the idea that this guy would blow off a "close" friend after just one statement. I suppose if it was the last straw... ...or if he wasn't as close, a co-worker or acquaintance or friend of the girlfriend I could see him shying away.

Brilliant work, good luck with the contest.

[Kim Brooksyn]

I have not been on this site in forever but just to let you know, this piece was brilliant. It was interesting right at the beginning and it drew me in. You gave you girlfriend a lot of life and personality in this and you gave a good idea of yourself as well. I'm very impressed by this and the ending had me completely hooked. Now I just need to find out what happens next. Please keep going because this work is amazing.

[Neversee]

I loved it!

[Neumia]

Very poignant.. I would like to know what she meant too : )

[spence]

I'm new to this type of reveiwing so I'll take this slowly!
I really like the opening paragraph- it got me interested right away, but i would change the word 'city' to 'place' if I were you as it came across as if the story would be exclusive to city dwellers. Disregard if your intention is to have a readership of those interested in city life, but I think that the universal theme was diminished with the use of that single word.
The next part of the prologue didn't quite live up to my expectations after that great opening. It felt like i had to drop down to a personal level too quickly or something and the contradiction of assertions confused me slightly in that context- going from 'the world is huge' to 'the world is small'. I think it's a really good way to summarise the personality differences that caused the split and also a good way to tell the reader that Arthur Swift was once afraid to live, but wants to live now that life is coming to a close, but it was all a bit too fragmented I felt.
I'm not good at suggestions for improvements, but i would resist even mentioning that this woman was Arthurs 'girlfriend' in the second paragraph. It seems that the point is being forced upon the reader when it is revealed far more adequately as a matter of course.
I would start paragraph two with something like:
A long time ago, a once close friend said to me
'Arthur the world is small, etc' and then
Needless to say I laughed and thought this complete nonesense, but knowing her to be the intellectual sort I asked'
and then leave the rest as it is.
Despite this, I really like this opening and the ending of this short prologue had me wanting to turn the page to find out more. A fantastic piece of bait waiting to be snatched up- just what is wrong with Arthur Swift?
I read this is a contest entry, so good luck with that. I would definitely read chapter one of this- very intriguing! Take care, spence

[Karrar]

wow....this is a great beginning....acting as a pure magnet to lure the reader in reading further....great stuff and congrats :D

[Kathryn]

The only thing I hate is that there is not more to read. Where is the rest?!

Great piece. Interesting ideas. Creative, as usual.
Love it.

[jessfoundwonder]

I really love this.
It caught my attention right away.
And the end, it was pure genious. (:
I hope it's not true :/

[Bells]

Fantastic work!!

[Farrah Grahm]

wonderful beginning!
Definitely leaves me wanting more, is there more?
I love it.
Of course, I was a little confused in the beginning when Arthur started talking about how large the world it was, then how small it was, and I was kind of like, what? But I definetly see it was a tool used to express the differences between Arthur and his girlfriend, and now I can't wait to see how you elaborate. Great job!

[gousgame]

I think its a lovely idea that a small, seemingly inconsequential statement made in a completely innocent way can snowball into something so profound and moving. Wonderful stuff really! I'm hooked.