On the Banks of the Mithi River | WritersCafe.org | The Online Writing Community
On the Banks of the Mithi River

On the Banks of the Mithi River

A Poem by James
"

Just a poem.

"
I left my love
on the banks of the Mithi River
after the monsoon season had passed
and the waters retreated
leaving the mounds of 
refuse
human waste
from a city 
lauded for beauty and grace
architectural wonders
eclipsed by a face
hidden behind silken hair
and curves robed in fine cotton--
In the deep reflective brown
of her eyes, I saw my portrait
fade into the stagnate pools
of sludge and slime.

© 2017 James



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Featured Review

Your imagery is great, it paints a clear image in a reader's mind as to what you are trying to portray. You pay a great attention to detail and the way you describe the city, the woman you are talking about, really helps bring this whole poem together. While this is a great piece, I feel that when you are describing the city and the girl, that your poem could use a comma or two to break up the enjambment even more. I feel that that would be another great addition to the poem so that readers really read it how you intended it to sound.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

3 Months Ago

Thank you, and you are right about the commas, it's a flaw I constantly fight



Reviews

Your imagery is great, it paints a clear image in a reader's mind as to what you are trying to portray. You pay a great attention to detail and the way you describe the city, the woman you are talking about, really helps bring this whole poem together. While this is a great piece, I feel that when you are describing the city and the girl, that your poem could use a comma or two to break up the enjambment even more. I feel that that would be another great addition to the poem so that readers really read it how you intended it to sound.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

3 Months Ago

Thank you, and you are right about the commas, it's a flaw I constantly fight
You sure do have a way of creating imagery so clearly.
Shame how we take beautiful things for granted and destroy them.
Have you been to India?


Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

James

3 Months Ago

I have never been to India, but I have a friend from there. She teaches in one of the universities... read more
Whoa! Powerfully imagery! Your author's note isn't even needed, you've included so many vivid details that make this scene easy to fathom. Even tho this is about one specific pile of crap, I'm also harkened to the Pacific plastic blight swirling out there & killing seaborn wildlife. Very imaginative message that is universal.

Posted 1 Year Ago


The picture your words paint are words we hear so often, yet out of sight out of mind is how it is dealt with. Too many people see waste as someone elses problem, but we all make the mess, so shouldnt we all be heard? As we know though, it is one rule for the haves and another for the have nots.
Powerful write my friend. Compulsory reading.

Posted 1 Year Ago



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371 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 5, 2017
Last Updated on August 7, 2017
Tags: India, Pollution, River, Waste

Author

James
James

The Beach, NC



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