Driving through the streets of darkness

Driving through the streets of darkness

A Poem by JanieB

Please take heed..

 

Driving the streets of darkness

 

Carelessly driving the streets of darkness

Avoiding the pot holes along the way

Remembering what a fantastic evening

Idiots like me on the roads again

Nothing stops me when I’ve had too much

Gladly accepting one for the road.

 

Could be caught, and then what would happen

Arrest and sent to prison I dare say

Ridiculous we are and my fellow friends

I desperately try and concentrate

Never ending this long journey home

Gripping tight on the steering wheel desperate to get us all back safe.

 

Cautiously turning the bends now

Aware the passengers I am carrying

Raucous laughter in the back

Idiots are we I thought yet again

Never once caught on these roads before

Gladly we turn into home, safe at long last.

 

 

 

 

© 2010 JanieB


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Featured Review

I think this has a unique them to it. But I get confused as to whether it is meant to be positive or negative. IDK if that makes sense or not.I really like the first two sentences though.. they just seem to work.
3rd and 4th sentence of the first stanza don't transition very well.
Also you use awkward phrases some times, like idiots are we, but this I like b/c it shows that you are probbly drunk. I think you could probbly make this poem hilarious by writing it literally as if you were drunk. Ever heard of the quote "I swear to drunk I'm not god" Maybe you could figure out how to do that. Either way you should try to be a little more consistent in your tone, either have weird/funny drunk phrases, or be serious about it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

For this time...safe..but to drink and drive is dangerous to everyone..My best friend lost her mom to a drunk driver..be careful please..Valentine

Posted 8 Years Ago


This happens way to ought! people driving and drinking, and thank God makes it home! A poem many people can relate to and needs to read! Excellent!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Interesting and unique...
I like how you have conveyed the message here- showing a few different thoughts of the main person (driver)...

Nice work

Posted 8 Years Ago


a good, different poem. its pace is slow and steady, prolonging the journey and also creating a sense of tension and a build up of an eerie, thick atmosphere. the pace also shows the laid back frivolous lifestyle of the subjects in the poem. i really liked it :) x

Posted 8 Years Ago


I enjoy the unique style to this rhythmic poem. The flow has certain hitches and points when the tempo changes but it all does so in a way that compliments and contributes to the reading of the poem. It is very well formatted in the freestyle sense. A wonderful topic to write about, it hits home for a lot of people and it's always a good smack in the face to make people's heart wrench in worry for events such as this because it will make them realize that they shouldn't repeat the action. Well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Words they are so true for many people who drink too much! You said it just right in the poem!!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


It's never a good idea to drive under the influence. I hope this one was written to make anyone considering doing just that think again. The life you save may be that of an innocent person in the wrong spot that the wrong time. Thanks for making us think sobering thoughts.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Thanks for a sobering reminder of what many of us have done in our youth.....but yes, you're right....there is no excuse for this. I hope you find the right way in your heart...:)

Posted 8 Years Ago


What a gripping write, the carelessness that can alter the world forever... You voice this so honestly, and the pain just ripples through.. Powerful.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on October 27, 2010
Last Updated on October 27, 2010

Author

JanieB
JanieB

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus



About
I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing. I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad. Please j.. more..

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